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WaW Before I Do: Choose Godly Sponsors

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My 15-year stint as a wedding photographer has taken me around the world shooting different religions, cultures, and nationalities and this I can say “It is only in the Philippines where they have Principal Sponsors.” Are they really important? And if so, why do we have them?

Principal Sponsors are supposedly people in the couple’s lives whom they respect and listen to. They can be people who are popular, powerful, prominent or rich but not necessarily. Unfortunately, because too many people have chosen principal sponsors based on these traits, it has watered down the importance of the role as principal sponsors. Sponsors have said “yes” to becoming sponsors just for the sake of “Delikadeza” never to be seen again after the wedding.

I personally have attended weddings where, to my shock, there have been as many as 15 sets of principal sponsors. So many that it has been branded as “Business” because sponsors are expected to give “Gifts”. Two of the most memorable gifts I was able to witness comes from 2 presidents of the Philippines. First was Ramos who just gave a book on righteous living and the 2nd one comes from GMA when she was still president. She gave a huge heavy wooden box with a nice emblem of “The President of the Philippines” on top of it. Wondering what’s inside, I stayed until it got opened. We were all shocked at what’s inside — Fresh air! There was nothing except the box. I admired these two for giving the gifts they gave… they had the capacity to give more but they did not give in to pressure. The gifts were simple and yet deep.

Now that I officiate weddings as a pastor, I do stress the importance of getting the right Principal Sponsors. At one point in every marriage ceremony I solemnize, I actually spend a few minutes talking to them and making sure they know what they’re getting into and commit to it before the Lord.

Some downplay the role of the principal sponsors, but with all my heart I believe their roles are far more important than to be eye candies during the wedding. Choose the right ones and you never know if someday they’ll be the ones to come to your rescue. Here are my personal criteria for choosing them.

Relationship – No matter how great your sponsors are, if there is no relationship (or chemistry). Get sponsors who you will often see or at least reachable in case you need them. Not someone who you only see every 5 years. Do not let your parents dictate who you should get simply because they are partners in business or close friends. If they are truly their dear friends, or partners, then explain to them that they are doing them a favor by sparing them the trouble. Don’t get people who are so high in their status that you can’t contact them directly or you’d have to schedule a slot with their secretary to get an appointment. Either they won’t have time for you or won’t even remember who you are.

I’ve personally said “no” to many offers to be one of the principal sponsors because I want to be a responsible sponsor who will be there when my inaanaks need me.

Righteous living – Unfortunately, Rich is not one of the R’s. There are many more things that are far more important than money. Righteousness does not mean being right in man’s eyes. The righteousness I am talking about is being right before God! This criteria is good for Christians and non-Christians alike. If you read the bible, you’d know what I am talking about. A righteous man is indeed a sponsor you’d love to have.

Respected – At least enough for you to listen to him or her. If you don’t respect your sponsor, you won’t even bother talking to the person in case your marriage encounters bumps. I personally will respect a person who I know has wisdom and loves me enough to tell me the truth even when it hurts.

So, if you’ve gotten married years back and it’s now too late to get married, what must you do? Here are 2 things you can do. Reconnect with them even if you’ve not heard from each other since the wedding, which was 10 years ago. Give them a call and ask if you could visit them in your homes. I’m sure they’d appreciate that. If you had sponsors who did not fit the criteria I gave, then find a couple’s group whose leader lives a life worthy to be followed. Perhaps, in case you guys decide to renew your vows someday, you’d have a better chance to pick good sponsors.

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s WaW Before I Do articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.

 

About John & Monique Ong:

John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding hosts and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.

 

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WaW Before I Do: Build a Home

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When you were planning for your wedding you might have been advised to “invest in marriage not the wedding”. Once married or for those who already are, I’d like to give you the next part to that advice – “Build a home and not just a house”.

Unfortunately, many homes are run like a military concentration camp, with authoritative officers commanding everyone to break the spirits of those who don’t follow the rules. Rather than being a place where love grows, it becomes a place of fear and force. People don’t do because they want to but because they have to. It’s a joy killer! So how are homes made? Here are 3 things that sets a home apart to become a place that kids and spouses alike would look forward to going home to.

1. A place of Rest – A home is a place where you can rest. It’s not just a physical rest I am talking about but more so where your soul can recharge and catch up with whatever is going on with your life. The outside world is already stressful and draining as it is, last thing you want when you go home is more stress. If I may add, in order to have some real rest, it is important that one feels safe. Is your home a place of rest? Where there is peace and tranquility?

2. A place of Acceptance – Pretending is tiring and for most of us, we do that whether we are in school or in the office. People pleasing is probably widespread among all of us and when this happens, at the end of the day, it’s nice to go home to a place where you can just be who you are without any pretensions, without fear of being judged. Can you be who you really are in your home?

3. A place of Love – A Home is a place where you feel loved. Are you with people who you know care for you ? In one of the surveys we conducted among families, one said “home is not a place, but a collection of people.” Why? Because when people you love and love you leave home, the home stops being a home. As social beings, every one of us need to be a giver and receiver of love. Is your house a place of Love?

Point is, sometimes we get so uptight about our houses that it stops being feel like home. I know a couple who are so uptight about the house being in order that it’s so hard to move because something might break. I know a place where the husband is expected to help out in the house after a long day at work and I know a family where expectations are so high you can’t just be yourself anymore.

At the end of the day, everyone needs a home — a place for rest, acceptance and love. It doesn’t just happen, it is made. I can’t promise it’s going to be easy, but if you make your house a home — people would look forward to going home to it.

A little confession as I end my article, as a photographer, I used to hate being in the house. I found it boring. So every opportunity I get, I would welcome out of town shoots, specially those that required an overnight. I took pleasure in being away and now that things have changed, I realize it was because it wasn’t a home. But now that things have changed and I’m a home body, I love being just home with my family and I think twice about leaving it every time.

But there is a home that is waiting for us and someday we will all come home to it. I actually wrote a song about it and would like to share it to you:

 

 

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.

About John & Monique Ong:

John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding host and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.

 

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Bridal Blurbs: Why You Need to Check on Your Health Before Tying the Knot

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[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]It’s been roughly ten months since my husband and I got married. A lot has happened: our fun honeymoon, setting up our humble abode, and a handful of health issues. For this entry, I’d like to put emphasis on taking care of your health right now, while you still have a chance.

Many soon-to-wed couples put a premium on losing weight, following an effective skin regimen, or having their teeth straightened or whitened just so they would look good on their wedding day, most forget what lies underneath that beautiful shell that they will clad in intricately-designed wedding gowns and bespoke suits or barongs. For the sake of your overall health, now I ask you: How’s your blood pressure? How about your blood sugar? Have you had your teeth cleaned and checked by an able dentist? When was the last time you saw your OB, or have you ever seen one? Have you felt any suspicious lumps in your body?

It takes a lot of energy to prepare for one special day, and it’s especially tasking since you want every detail to be almost-perfect. Being at the prime of your health before and after the wedding is essential for your overall wellness. Why? You need the energy to deal with suppliers, DIYs, and errands, as well as family members, guests, and other people you will be in contact with in planning your wedding. I’ve mentioned in my previous BB blog that while there may have superstitions that tell soon-to-weds to avoid going out of the house before their wedding, it somehow makes sense because taking on exhausting trips, no matter the distance (because traffic, haha!) may take a toll on the body, so take heed not because of a few hokum but because you want to be at your tip-top shape on your big day.

Your reproductive health is another reason why you have to put your health in check before the big day. If you plan to conceive soon after the wedding or delay childbirth at a later time, it is important to keep your health in check in support of those plans. Taking certain medications, continuing an unhealthy lifestyle, or simply having pre-existing medical conditions may greatly affect your plans in building a family. I won’t go far anymore, I have irregular periods since I started working. Turns out, I have polycystic ovaries that turns my hormones out of whack, among other things. I started consulting with my OB-GYN and scheduled regular check-ups with my cardiologist a year before the wedding and underwent a battery of tests so that we could prevent possible problems when we finally conceive. I also have a friend who plans to have babies a few years after the wedding, so she asked her OB-GYN about options on how to plan for their future offspring.

Regardless if you want babies ASAP or months or years after, it is also best to have your vaccines updated. Get your mom or one of your parent or guardian dig your family baul and look for your immunization records from way back. This is also important especially if you’re planning a honeymoon getaway in areas that require certain inoculations prior to landing. Vaccines like the measles-mumps-rubella vaccine (MMR), diptheria-tetanus-pertussis vaccine (DTPv), chickenpox vaccine, dengue vaccine, and the annual flu vaccine will give you peace of mind not only during your trip, but also when you already plan on having kids. Ladies, make sure to have your cervical cancer vaccine as well as the MMR vaccine at least six months to a year before getting married to keep you protected!

We vow to take care of our partners “in sickness and in health, till death do we part,” so take initiative in keeping sickness at bay so that you may fully enjoy married life together, forever. Pay attention to every changes in your body, from your eyesight, skin pigmentation, minor aches, period regularity, and even the color of your finger and toe nails, sans polish (yes, this matters!) and have these checked ASAP before it’s too late. Brides and grooms, take charge of your health NOW. I guarantee you, one day of taking time off from wedding planning to attend to your health and wellness will be so worth it not only for the sake of your wedding, but also for the rest of your lives.

 

Read more of Kassy Pineda – Alba’s Bridal Blurbs articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/bridal-blurbs/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About Kassy Pineda – Alba:

Kassy is a Digital Media Manager for a utilities company, and a budding homemaker who is crazy about Konmari, doing household chores and watching Netflix with her husband.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]Kassy Pineda[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: To Vow or Not To Vow

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[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]I’m saddened that some churches actually do not allow vows. Think about it… What’s the point of not allowing it? Does it make the wedding too long? Are we doubting the couple’s capability to know exactly what to say? Does it make the wedding too dramatic? Whatever the reason is for not allowing, I think the reason for why we should outweighs by far why we shouldn’t. For me, vows are sacred therefore is the most important part of the ceremony. I always tell the photographers that I train – there are 2 parts of the wedding where you can anticipate the most tears – the bride’s entrance and the personal vows. I don’t think I need to expound on why.

It was a touching moment when a friend of mine actually asked me to help him organize a surprise renewal of vows in Boracay. One of the things that he said for his vows was “I have to admit, when we first got married, I was merely repeating what the priest said but did not mean any of it. Now I want to give you my real vow.” Everyone was in tears specially the fact that all those around them knew this couple was in the brink of separating few months prior.

Now here is why I want to push you to do your personal vows:

  • “I ….” – Vows are real! It is about you and what’s inside your heart. Your vows are your commitment. As the couple gets into this new and lifelong phase, they are usually troubled by so much doubt or the “what if’s”. A vow can remove these fears and replace them with hope that these promises brings.
  • “I will…” – Vows are what marriage is all about! Marriage is not just a ceremony but it is union of 2 separate people. This union should be covered by an agreement about what changes this new life brings. A stated vow tells everyone they know what they’re getting into — specially with regard to their boundaries and behaviors. The words “I will” are strong active words that tell your partner “You can count on me to do this”.
  • “I vow not to” – Vows sets boundaries. As you enter this new life, what do you agree to change? Is it to let go of some of the things, habits and people in your life? Is it a commitment never to leave no matter what? Is it not to sleep when the other person is still angry? Vows set parameters and boundaries of what can’t be done.
  • Last and the least, Vows make SDE’s better – Though this is not the main reason why we should do our vows, it is a prize that comes with doing your responsibility. Personal vows make your videos special because then it becomes personal. Someday when your video is played back, you wouldn’t own up to a vow that you were required to repeat would you? But a personal vow would resonate down your soul and make you want to own up to it.

So what if your church does not allow you to make a vow? Here are some of my suggestions:

a. Say it in your video – either as a surprise to the other party (so shoot individually) or go to a remote place and have your videographer video it (shoot as a couple).
b. Do it at your wedding reception – If your program is too long, then its better to cut out the less important traditionals like games and AVPs. I think this is more important. You don’t need a priest or pastor for God to hear and bless your vows.
c. Write it to out each other / put it in your website – Vows are like goals. If you don’t set it in stone, tendency is it moves and changes.

So that’s my personal opinion on vows. It’s sad that most couples wait until the last minute to do it. And as I end my vows, may I have a request for those people who do. I pray that your vows will always be real and genuine. Not memorized… Not commercialized…. It doesn’t have to be memorized word for word but my final advice to you is to simply just say what you mean and mean what you say, remembering that the vow you make is not just to your spouse but also to God. I hope this article blessed you.

 

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s WaW Before I Do articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong:

John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding hosts and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

(WaW Before I Do) Coming Clean: Starting the Marriage with a Clean Slate

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As part of the church requirement in getting married, we attended a pre-marital seminar with our mentor and discipler Edric Mendoza. In one of the sessions, Edric told us about the importance of entering into the marriage with a clean slate and asked if there was anything that we had to admit to each other.

We both paused, Monique looks at me as if saying “Do you have anything to say or divulge?”. I find myself confessing “I have kept this a secret but I have a child”. She closes her eyes and puts a little smile on her face and says “with whom” and I replied “it was with the one from my second affair. He is 5 years old now.”

Our discipler acted really cool as if it was no big deal and mediated “Thanks Jong. How do we move on from this?” and I said “Well, I’ve been supporting the kid but I’ve never seen him. I dread the day when the boy grows up and looks for me and asks how come I’ve never been there for him.” Monique calmly replies, “if he is really your child, then it is the right thing to support him and be a father to him. But before we take full claim of this responsibility I have one request, lets have a DNA test first to see if it’s really yours.” Right then and there, I felt like being removed of a stake that was lodged in my heart. I was set free. I told the mother of the child the good news and we did the DNA test. The results came out and it turns out that it was never mine.

Had the results been “a perfect match” meaning, that the kid is mine, it would not make much difference. My confession of my “baggage” has already set me free. The DNA test simply freed me of the obligations I thought I had. Since then, I’ve always told the couples that we get to speak to how important it is to enter the marriage with a clean slate. If you start off the marriage hiding something — you will in the future make your spouse feel like “I never knew the person I married.” Why? Because you pretended to be somebody else.

So I reflected on, what if my discipler never gave us a chance to confess? I would be still hiding something in the closet for the rest of my life. I thought hard about “What was it that gave me green light to finally let it out?”. I will share here 3 things that makes it easier for your fiancee or spouse to want to start fresh.

1. Give it some time – For a confessing partner – they need enough courage to speak up. So give them space to do that. Even if you have all the evidence, allow them to figure out what they really want to say. When they open up, make sure you are really listening without judging first. Let them speak what is in their heart. Do not rush them or even threaten them. You need to know that during this time there are so many “What if’s” going on in the confessing person’s mind. Like “what if you can’t take it, what if you call or the wedding or break-up, what if the counselor or mediator is gone who will protect me?”. All those questions the one confessing needs to process and overcome.

2. Ensure a Safe Haven – As the person confesses, make sure, that you can handle the truth. We know of so many couples that not only go hysterical and ballistic but they take it against the person and even want revenge. It is important for the confessing partner to know that he can be honest and open. They need to know that they can trust you with his deepest darkest secret. They need a place where they can come clean. That person desires to be set free and if possible start anew. Imagine a thief surrendering himself to the police when there was no case even filed against him. The policeman would probably wonder and not know what to do.

I know it’s hard and I didn’t say it won’t hurt – but give a lot of credit to the honesty because in reality it could have been kept in secret forever. Besides “What you don’t know won’t hurt right?” or maybe it is better if you found out through other people when it’s already too late to back off. Definitely Not!

3. Choose to Forgive – This part is where the rubber meets the road. As we counsel couples we ask them “What is your ultimate end goal? Do you want this relationship to work?” If the answer is yes, then you must choose to forgive. As the aggrieved party there is a tendency to get stuck by asking the questions that have no right answer. Why did it have to happen? What could or should have I done? Remember this is now the past. It is something you cannot revisit and redo. Should you react negatively in this situation, you can be assured that this is the last time he or she will ever confess to you.

I recommend instead to discuss on how to move forward and not get back on that dark path again. Restoration can only take place if we choose to give the person the chance to change by extending kindness that they do not deserve. This is not letting them free from the consequences of their actions instead allowing them to be a better person by taking full responsibility for their mistakes and allowing them to fix it.

Stuff that needs to be confessed are not just immorality. It can be your financial position, your work, your debts… It can be anything. I believe almost everyone has them. By the way, in case you didn’t know — this is called GRACE. And if I can just give my last tip here, it is “It’s easier to give grace to others when you can admit to yourself that you are a receiver of grace yourself.” During those moments when you find it hard to forgive — remember, You are a sinner yourself but God forgave you.

 

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/. About John & Monique Ong:

John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding hosts and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.

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WaW Before I Do – Speak the Language: The Five Love Languages

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Gary Chapman has given us a very effective tool for communication through his book called “The 5 Love Languages”. In a research he made as to how people express and feel “love”, he discovered that generally there are actually 5 different ways of showing affection. No wonder sometimes despite our efforts to make someone feel loved, we fall short. In many occasions, we do not actually speak the same love language.

There are actually 5 languages based on Chapmans’s research (we’ve jokingly added a few more in our group):

a. Touch – You feel most loved when you are being touched. You love hugging, holding hands and maybe even more (the skin to skin). When your spouse or fiancee speaks this language, learn to be PDA and avoid excuses like “I’m tired”. If making your spouse is important for you, then it’s not important whether you love touching or not, loving is giving and so you better be there when she needs one.

b. Words of affirmation – Bible says the tongue is small yet powerful. It can build people up (encourage) or break people down (cause depression)… but for people whose love language is words, the effects are doubled or even tripled. Monique often tells the couples that we counsel “lower expectation and increase appreciation”. When your spouse is a words person, be careful what you say and try to find something to can praise them for everyday knowing every negative commend you give probably negates 4. It will go a long way.

c. Gifts – For me, this is the easiest. No you don’t have to be rich as gifts people rarely want expensive things (take note I said rarely). What they actually want is not the gift but a material evidence that they’ve been thought of.

d. Quality Time – Notice I didn’t say just time, I said quality time. Quality time doesn’t mean watching TV together. It means being together with your attention on one another such as chatting on a dinner date. You don’t have to be talking, such as when you go scuba diving, but 100% of your attention is on your partner. Time is something all of us have an equal # of whether you are rich or poor, and when time is given it cannot be gotten back.

e. Service – People whose love language is service feel loved when served. They want things to be done for them — a massage, food prepared, their clothes cleaned and ironed. Even if they can hire people to do them, it’s different when a loved one does it. For them this is the ultimate expression of love.

Imagine that in each of us, there is a virtual love tank. When people love us in our love language, these tanks get filled up easily. When people try to fill us up through other means, it’s possible to get filled but it will be really, really slow. So often times, problem arises when a couple speak different love languages. One can say “How can you ask if I love you when I tell you every night before we sleep that I do?”. Probably this is not a words person. The one saying I love you might be sincere but He or She is speaking in a way that the partner does not understand.

Here are some things to remember: Some people have two love language (called bi-lingual) and people’s language can change over time.

Want to know what your love language is? We have a free test in our blog: www.anounceoffaith.com.

 

Read more of John & Monique’s Before I Do articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.

About John & Monique Ong:

John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding hosts and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.

WaW Before I Do: How Do I Better Connect

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Have you ever experienced talking to someone on your mobile phone and then going inside an elevator? Right before you enter, you know that you need to give the other party a heads up that there is a great chance that you will be disconnected. Have you ever wondered — What is it with elevators? Is it the steel casing? Is it the solid solid shafts that houses the elevator or is it where elevators are usually located that makes the signal hard to reach cellphones? Whatever it is, technology has not advanced itself enough to secure an established connection in elevators. Surprisingly, many marriages are like cellphones inside elevators. After so many years, the husband & wife are still disconnected.

I recently told someone that there is a huge difference between hearing and listening. The former being involuntary and the latter requiring some sort of focus and attention. You might be right in front of me, and you may even be looking at my direction but it doesn’t mean you are listening.

Before we go on further — on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being always clearly heard and understood — how do you rate the connection between you and your fiancee/husband?

For this article and the next, we’d like to talk about communication. This month talks about being the giver the message, and the next month we’ll talk about being the receiver of the message.

Do you find yourself often misquoted or understood? Remember, there are 4 elements of speech that you take note of. You can get better results if you take note of them at all times:

A. Words

Proverbs 18:21 says “Death & Life are in the power of the tongue” which means, as the speaker, do not be in a rush to just say whatever you want. Specially in sensitive moments, choose your words well. In the movie “300” King Leonidas warns the emissary of Xerxes to choose his next words lightly because it could be his last. The emissary didn’t heed the warning and resulted in his death. Similarly, words are easy to give but they have the power to encourage people or put them down. Whoever said “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Was actually lying and should have said “but your words can break my heart and spirit”.

B. Tone

Sometimes it is not what you say, but how you say it. In one story in the bible, Jesus asked His apostles which was better — a man who says no and then does it or a person who said yes and then didn’t do it. Naturally, the apostles replied “The one who refused but in the end did it anyway”. Such is true for a person who may have a proper sentence constructed and yet adds a negative tone into it.

Warning: In these times where many of our communication are not verbal, such as text or emails, Tone is very hard to predict. That’s why I recommend for sensitive issues that you call instead of simply texting.

C. Body Language

You may have the right words and a nice tone but if you include some roll eyes with it, it will be received negatively. You can say “Yes, dear” and say it in a very submissive way, but if you’re not moving from that TV set or that couch, then expect a negative response.

D. Timing

Last but not the least, timing is key… you can be ok with all the first 3 elements, but anything said at the wrong time is bound to fail. My wife, Monique, is pretty good at this, she knows when it’s not a good time to talk to me. When words would just get lost and she knows I have a tendency of really putting a sound proof wall around me. Also, when the person you are speaking to is too emotional or high strung, sometimes it’s good to wait it out before doing your explanation.

Keeping these in mind does not guarantee you will be always understood, there might be more elements as pointed out such as the receptivity of the person you are speaking to but keeping these in mind will dramatically improve connection.

Read more of John & Monique’s WaW Before I Do articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.

About John & Monique Ong:

John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding hosts and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.

john-monique-ong

WaW Before I Do: What Would I Say If I Were Your Best Man or Maybe Even The Father of The Bride?

/in , /by

[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]This is just a thinking out loud article so please pardon me. What if you got John Mateos Ong to be your best man and do a 10 minute speech during the reception about making your marriage work what would he say? Here are the top 5 things on my mind…

Invite Jesus in – This is the most important thing you can do so don’t take it for granted. You can go to church, you can pray (or at least murmur a bunch of words) and even read the bible but if you have not surrendered yourself then it’s all useless. When I say Surrender it means the same as how a soldier would surrender himself to the enemy. It means stopping the the fight, giving up and allowing him. It means submitting yourself to God’s will, His rules and dominion over you realizing and believing what he wants is the best for you. You may not agree with it 100% but you know in case you don’t see eye to eye — He’s probably right and you’re probably wrong.

It’s a process – Marriage is not the end, its the start of a new journey and from here I wanna ask you where you want to go. Do you want to make it heavenly or hell like? What must you do? Here are some suggestions:

  • Dating never stops after marriage.
  • Be in a group that regularly asks – How is marriage? How can it improve?
  • Get into annual marriage retreats where you can enjoy each other and know more about each other.

Leave your baggage – Since today is the starting point, I think this is a must. Your problems and issues must be left in the past life. Accept each other as a whole, flaws and all. Unfortunately, you can’t be selective in what you want to accept in your spouse like “I love your sweetness but I hate your snoring so lets separate rooms at night”. No! it’s all part of the package…

Remember you are a team – You don’t lose your individual identities. I am still John and Monique is still Monique but you have to learn to start thinking about the “US”. Purchases, trips or decisions that affect the family. You two are on the same team and never against each other. Problems start when you start thinking she’s my enemy.

Do things together and be together – I wrote an article a few months back about doing things together and these things best done when you are together physically. I am sad when one person needs to be away for several months for work. I get homesick and miss my family the minute I get on the plane. It is not how God designed it.

As I end this article, my encouragement for all husbands & wives is to be passionate about your role as husband and wife. When I discovered photography, I didn’t just buy a camera. I researched on it’s history, I bought books, watched videos, attended seminars and workshops… I cleaned my camera day and night and took it wherever I went. I would talk about it with friends sharing new discoveries that I learned. When I’m not doing anything, I would open my laptop and look at my pictures to see how I can improve. That’s passion! And if we can be like this with something as simple as photography why can we not do the same for marriage? Wives should hunger to become the best wife she can be and how they can serve their husbands best… and husbands should be on-fire at becoming the best husband and loving their wives like no one can (except for God).

 

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s WaW Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong:

Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: Temperaments

/in , /by

[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Monique and I are really quite different. I am a born leader and visionary. I want to make things happen and will do everything to reach it. I am very result oriented. I get the greatest high seeing things accomplished.

Then I met Monique. She is very creative. She loves talking and is the life of the party. She is Ms. Congeniality. But there are things that gets to me. She has the tendency to be late. She is a great starter and she inspires people but she thrives in short projects and can’t seem to be doing something on a routine.

I realize while we were dating that we are really two different people. This is my proof that I do love her because despite the flaws I have learned to love the whole package and appreciate how God made her. But as we know many couples will find themselves in a major hurdle because they can’t seem to pass the fact that their spouse can irritate them. Are these one of the things that are issues to you?

  • Pressing the tooth paste just about anywhere
  • Being Late
  • You’re off to travel but don’t have concrete plans
  • Clothes left in the floor
  • Being forgetful
  • Hearing harsh words when making mistakes
  • Too chill and relaxed

If one of these things bother you, we have good news for you. It’s really no biggie. Every person has a kind of temperament. This is how God designed all of us. There are no right or wrong temperaments — Each one has its own strength and and it’s own weakness. Each one needs the other. We can’t have just one. Understanding your temperament can really impact your relationship with your spouse, your office mates and even your kids. I am even quite surprise that even churches use this. The author of the book Personality Plus actually turns out to be a devout Christian herself.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”http://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Temperaments-e1463384569749.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]So there are 4 Major Temperaments (major because I’ve seen several off-shoots) and they are:

1. Choleric – are the born leaders and master builders. They are very strong willed, decisive, courageous and practical. They know what they want and know how to get it. They want things done immediately at all cost which sometimes rubs people differently. They can be very opinionated and domineering. They can be cold, insensitive, sarcastic and insensitive.

2. Phlegmatic – are the diplomats who are calm and quiet listeners. They would rather be led than to lead. Usually, they just sit waiting for anyone trying to start a conversation. Their strength is in the fact that they are resilient.

3. Sanguine – are outgoing, creative, passionate and enthusiastic people. They are your best salesman and speaker. The are charismatic and pretty much the life of the party. A sanguine though being carefree in nature can be disorganized, unproductive and undependable.

4. Melancholic – are the philosophers and the gifted artist of the group. They are idealistic, analytical, organized, perfectionist and sensitive. They are also very moody, negative, critical; and self-centered.

So here is where the conflict lies. Imagine a Melancholic Husband married to a Sanguine. The wife wants to talk but the husband has a list of things to do and he won’t be free till a few hours later. He is distracted because the wife is too noisy. When they travel, the husband wants everything planned out and refuses to leave without a booking but the wife thinks it would be just so romantic to jump on the plane and on to a mystery adventure. Both are right and yet their difference causes them major conflict.

What must you do? We can learn how to grow together as husband and wife. Just because you have a certain temperament does not mean you can’t try to adjust and learn to live harmoniously with others.

Choleric needs to Tame down and relax. Learn to be more loving, patient & compassionate. Be aware of the limitations of each temperament and admit that you are not perfect and at times at fault. Admit your mistakes unconditionally justifying your actions.

Motivate Phlegmatic to liven up and learn to do things with excitement & zest. Learn to accept responsibility and try not to put off for tomorrow what you can do today. Practice making decision and that includes learning to say no. Initiate talking even when you’re not comfortable.

Organize the Sanguines – must learn to talk only half as much and be aware when you are already getting bored. Be sensitive to other people’s interest and learn to listen. Write things down and don’t think that you always need to fill in the gaps. Put your life together and grow-up.

Melancholics must learn to cheer up – Realize no one likes gloomy people. Don’t look for trouble and and not be too sensitive. Search for the source of your insecurities and be aware of your false humilities. There are times wherein you need to relax some of your standards.

If you are aware of each other’s strength and weakness, you can change your expectations of each other and make the right allowances. Each personality has its strength and weakness and knowing your temperament will enable you to know what kind of role / task your partner or even children will be best at doing.

So do you want to take the test? Find it here together with more information about your temperament: www.anounceoffaith.com/free[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]