{"id":21310,"date":"2017-12-04T17:03:55","date_gmt":"2017-12-04T09:03:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/weddingsatwork.com\/?p=21310"},"modified":"2018-05-10T19:40:34","modified_gmt":"2018-05-10T11:40:34","slug":"waw-before-i-do-extended-family-are-you-in-or-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/weddingsatwork.com\/waw-before-i-do-extended-family-are-you-in-or-out\/","title":{"rendered":"WaW Before I Do: Extended Family – Are You In or Out?"},"content":{"rendered":"

As you tie the knot with your spouse, you will realize that you immediately are married into their family as well. Family relationships will play an integral role in your marriage. That is why it’s best that you know how to deal \u00a0and build good relations with your in-laws and avoid becoming an \u201doutlaw\u201d.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Make an effort to get to know your in-laws.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    You were raised very differently from your spouse. Do not assume that your spouses\u2019 family will have the same values, same culture and same habits as you do.\u00a0 This can be a start of a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding.\u00a0 It is best to get to know them better.\u00a0 Be eager to learn about their family history and heritage: Where did they grow up? How did the parents meet? What are their careers, their achievements, their dreams? Get to know their pet peeves and what makes them feel disrespected and unloved.\u00a0 When we get to know more of them, we can understand them better.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Let your spouse walk you through their side of the family.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      If you are not sure how to relate with your new in-laws, let your spouse lead you.\u00a0 Don\u2019t get so uptight and stressed to get their approval.\u00a0 Instead, let your spouse teach you how to respond to their parents. You can always ask your spouse to brief you regarding a certain occasion and situation.\u00a0 You can always ask your spouse after for a \u201cdebriefing\u201d by knowing what went right, what can improve and what should stop.\u00a0 Remember, you and your spouse are on the same team.\u00a0 Should you feel you have concerns about your spouse\u2019s family, let your spouse know and let your better half deal with it with his\/her family. Your spouse will know better what to say and how to say it without offending his\/her family.<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. Agree to set boundaries for your marriage.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        In-laws, in their wanting to keep family time together, often forget that their child is already married. It is best that early on or before you get married, discuss your family values and culture and make your own family rules which will include your extended family. We know of couples fighting over which side of the family they get to spend holidays.\u00a0 There can also be tension about helping out family members and how to raise your kids. Make sure that you always have open communication with your spouse so you can decide what are the important non-negotiables and what is something you two can agree to give in every once in a while. Make sure to also implement and stick to what was agreed. This way you keep your marriage safe and healthy.<\/p>\n

          \n
        1. Learn to take everything with a grain of salt.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          Sometimes, your in-laws can hit a sensitive nerve in your system. There will be moments where you will feel offended and hurt by their actions or statements. But even when they say something that may not sit well with you, always remember they are just stating their opinion. You can listen but you don\u2019t have to react with anger and disappointment. Many marriages are hurting because they feel that their in-laws have made them feel unappreciated, misunderstood, unloved and judged.\u00a0 Always remember that you can still decide what\u2019s best for your family. Never burn bridges with your in-laws. Consider them part of a wonderful treasure of extra hands and feet when you need them.\u00a0 If we have good relationships with them they can definitely help you keep your family together.<\/p>\n

            \n
          1. Be courteous and kind.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            If there is really a way to live harmoniously with your in-laws it is to always good to be polite and kind.\u00a0 You may not like everything about your in-laws but you can honor them by your response. We can always choose to say positive things and bless them with our works of service for them.<\/p>\n

            We understand that there are extreme cases wherein some in-laws are just difficult to deal with and they can make your life miserable.\u00a0 I have learned this bible verses that has helped me:<\/p>\n

            \u201cDepart from evil, and do good, seek peace and pursue it.\u201d<\/em> \u2013 Psalm 34:14<\/p>\n

            \u201cSo then we pursue the things which make for peace the building up of one another.\u201d<\/em> \u2013 Romans 14:19<\/p>\n

            The issue may be your in-laws’ controlling or judgmental ways.\u00a0 This means instead of fighting fire with fire, find ways to always do good and find a middle ground for peace not only for yourself but for them as well.\u00a0 Keep seeking peace and when you find it, pursue it. How do I find that peace?<\/p>\n