WaW Before I Do: Choose What You Focus On
When I was younger, my favorite subject was math. In there I learned than it’s difficult to add fractions when they have different denominators. Example, whats the sum when you add 1/3 and 1/2? What you need to do is to find the Least Common Denominator or the LCD! In this case, their LCD is 6.
The next step is to convert each one to have the same denominator. In this case, 1/3 becomes 2/6 and 1/2 becomes 3/6. They didn’t change their value but they changed denominators. 2/6 is still equivalent to 1/3 and 3/6 is still equivalent to 3/6. Do you follow? Good! Now we can add them…. 2/6 and 3/6 together becomes 5/6! Problem solved.
So how do we apply this marriage. After counseling people for many years, I realize a lot of people focus on differences. From our first counseling session, people would never talk about what their spouses did for them or the many things they loved about each other. They always focus on that one thing that makes them different or that irritated them. Often this causes, stress and recurring pain. Recurring? Why? Because it makes the person feel the way James Ingram did when he said “I did my best, but my best wasn’t good enough so here we are back where we were before.”
I believe everyone wants to be happy! I believe no one wants to get married with the intent of someday filing an annulment. I believe all couples are sincere in doing their best to try to make their marriage work. What happens? They focus on their difference! Instead, why not learn from the math principle above and love each other based on our commonalities.
God’s word says in Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things”
Meaning you can focus on your difference but why if you can focus on that mind on something else? If you have a husband who loves leaving dirty clothes on the floor why not love how clean he makes the car? Or the day to day things he does for you? So how do we apply this?
1. Do things together that you both love. Movies? Sports? Nothing?!? Both of you must at least love eating or traveling (most people do). If your answer is still nothing, I think you have to remove that negative emotion inside you first and get to know your spouse a little bit more.
2. Learn to ignore the things that irritate you about Him and appreciate the things that you do. Do it verbally! Let him know you appreciate A, B and C so that he’ll keep on doing them.
3. If this seems difficult, take tests! Yes, its become a science. Now you can find free online tests on personalities, leadership styles, talents where you can discover whats common about you two.
4. Just book that ticket and travel! It might not be appropriate right now specially when you are physically challenged but look at it as an investment in your most important relationship. Remember, usually when marriages fail, not far behind comes chaos, worry, depression and all sorts of emotions. Remember to leave work behind so that you can maximize this adventure of re-discovering one another.
I pray this article helps you. I’ve been in a dry spell but this morning as I awoke, God downloaded to me. Perhaps this article is for someone out there who is tired and sick of their relationship. May this article bless you and give you wisdom and help you live out Proverbs 5:18 which says “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth”
Read more of John and Monique Ong’s WaW Before I Do articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.
About John & Monique Ong:
John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding hosts and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.
