[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]5 out of 10 marriages fail but yours doesn’t have to. Learn what to do before and after you say I DO. Join the next Before & After I DO workshop.
“Before & After I Do” is a marriage starter workshop designed to help couples learn the principles needed to have a wonderful and lasting marriage. This workshop is geared towards couples who are getting married or who have been married for up to 20 years.
The next workshop to be held on June 25, 2016 at the A. Venue Mall, Makati Avenue, will feature the following speakers:
Edric and Joy Mendoza
Wisdom and Betty Sy
Gino & Vida Rodriguez
Albit & Gina Rodriguez
For more information and to register, visit www.ido.com.ph.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]
https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Before-After-I-Do_June-2016.jpg394700W@W Editorhttps://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/WAWLOGO.pngW@W Editor2016-06-13 09:44:352016-06-13 09:46:12Before & After I Do Workshop
[x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]“I really wanted her to be a homemaker.”
“She does a great job at her office but she could improve more at home.”
“How come he just sits around the TV after work? I understand cave time, but I also want to spend time with him. Every since we got married, I don’t even remember going on dates anymore.”
“I try my best to provide for our home, it wouldn’t be hard enough to ask for a decent meal?”
“Can’t he not see my hands are full? Why can’t he be more sensitive to help around.”
These are just some of the common sentiments married couples go through. There are many tips that we can give for each statement but if I were to draw the source why they feel the way they do, it clearly points out to unspoken expectations.
When couples marry, they bring with them their background and culture. Whatever was modeled to them or whatever experience they had to deal with growing up will manifest itself in the marriage. Every person has their own set of family values, habits and even hurts and hang-ups. That is why if this is not addressed by communicating about it, you will begin to have some form of discontentment within your marriage.
John and I struggled in this too. I remember how I wanted him to open my door, buy me flowers every now and then, and do all those romantic stuff. I wanted him to ballroom dance with me. When we would travel I would love to visit the art galleries and museums. But John was not like that. Of course, I never said anything to him about this – so this resentment grew every time an opportunity came knocking in. So how do resolve this? Here are tips to close the gaps of communication.
1. Talk about your Expectations
In general, most couples are at a loss and without a clue when it comes to the expectations of their spouse. So do the most obvious thing. Come out in the open and start talking about it. It’s fun to play 20 questions with your partner and find out what their wants are and how they would respond to certain situation.
2. Study your spouse
If you love your spouse, you would study them. Study their daily habits and routine. Study what irks or stress them. Find out what makes them happy, sad or angry and what is important to them. When you study them, you will discover a treasure of unspoken wants in them.
Study them in different seasons in their life including in times of trials, sorrow and success.
3. Work from your strength
Are your expectations realistic?
You expect your wife to cook like your mom but the truth is – she has never learned how to cook because she is a career woman. So by putting them in their weakness, it sparks stress and pressure in your relationship.
You expect your husband to be the handyman in the house but he was never exposed to these kinds of work. He can drive the car but does not even know how to fix basic car mishaps. Does that make them less of a man?
I always say find each others key strength and let each one operate base on that. Whoever is better in handling finances, let them handle it. Whoever is better in dealing with administrative family stuff – let that person work on that. When we operate from each others strength we become a better team together.
4. Learn and Unlearn
If your spouse expects you to do this certain assignment and you don’t know what to do, can we encourage you to try to learn it? Don’t make it the excuse not to do it.
Learning makes each one grow as a person.
Take classes for basic life skills: Cooking, chores, emergency response, negotiations, child handling etc. It’s never too late to learn.
It may also require some of us to unlearn. Sometimes its harder to unlearn bad habits than to learn new ones. Sometimes it requires that we don’t leave our clothes on the floor for our spouse to pick up. Sometimes unlearning means to stop speaking harshly to your spouse when he doesn’t meet your expectations.
Unlearning may also mean letting go your family traditions and culture so that you can start a new one that kicks off a wonderful legacy for your family.
5. Higher the Appreciation
In all of this, remember to celebrate your differences. Sometimes we need to cut some slack off our spouse by increasing our appreciation while we lower down our expectation.
John may not open the door for me but he carries my bag and isn’t ashamed to do it.
He may not give me flowers – but he surprises me with out of the country trips and gadgets I don’t ever think about.
He doesn’t dance ballroom but he will get on the dance floor with me and dance hip hop style.
He doesn’t like museums and art gallery but he has entered every single one with me – even if he sleeps on some of it – I know he is trying to learn the things I love.
I appreciate my husband so much because despite of not being this and that on my want list – he always has a way to exceed more than what I expect.
Are you wanting to learn how to communicate with each other? John and I are speaking this Saturday in Saturdates about Tips to Resolving Conflict. 2-5pm CCF Center, Pasig. Feel free to join us.[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/12924421_1674399886155809_3548093271928633775_n.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Photos by John & Monique Ong[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_block_grid type=”two-up”][x_block_grid_item][/x_block_grid_item][x_block_grid_item]About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/x_block_grid_item][/x_block_grid][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section]
https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/lowerexpectation1.jpg405720W@W Editorhttps://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/WAWLOGO.pngW@W Editor2016-04-07 06:50:592016-04-07 06:50:59WaW Before I do: Lower Expectation, Higher the Appreciation
[x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Editor’s note: Most often than not, couples are blindsided by the hard work that is required of them to make their marriages work.
That’s why we are very happy to introduce to you the WaW Before I do column by Jong and Monique Ong to help prepare couples for their lives together after their weddings. Yes, happily-ever-afters are possible. Read on!
[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]John:
Hi, I am John Mateos Ong, a wedding photographer, scuba diver instructor, blogger, song writer, a pastor, a husband and father to 5 wonderful children.
Because of what i’ve been through in life, I realize that there much about what’s important in life is not actually taught in school nor anywhere else.
So I’ve been given a burden to help couples jumpstart their marriage. I noticed that almost all couples become so excited and so busy preparing for the wedding day that they miss out on investing in the marriage itself.
This has been my calling to share principles of marriage from the Designer of marriage found in the Bible.
So we came up with the “Before I do workshop”. Currently on our 20th run, going on our 9th year. This workshop allows couples to engage, discover and create a blueprint for their marriage.
I personally can attest that marriage within God’s design is an amazing journey. [/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Monique:
Hi, my name is Monique Ong. I am a wedding host, an event director, blogger, John’s ultimate cheerleader – wife and a homeschooling mom .
It is my desire to empower women to be the best wife they can be to their husband.
There is so much to learn from home management, communication, in-laws, submission and more.
Marriage is hard work. But if you work hard on your marriage, I can guarantee you can reap the best of what marriage has to offer.
We are so excited to impart to you what we know about marriage. So when Benz gave us the opportunity to have a column here in W@W, we consider this a real honor and privilege.
As an alumnae W@Wie , I can attest that this site has the richest resource when it comes to weddings. Beyond the suppliers, what I I love the most about W@W is the friendships made because of this community.
As W@W has evolved through the years, it so exciting because it now also gives soon-to-be weds a sneak preview of the bliss, blunders and blessings of marriage.
So welcome to our Before I do corner. Here we can discuss anything and everything about marriage.
So throw in some questions such as marriage preps and real life marriage issues and we will be happy to respond back.
We hope this can be a start of a great friendship![/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/weddings61.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Transitioning from ME to WE
AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. – Mark 10:8
There is something special about marriage because it puts two very different and unique people together and God makes them one unit.
The transition to becoming one though does not come natural. That is why while you are engage to be married, we encourage couples to start practicing becoming one.
There will be several adjustments that will be required from each one to achieve this. But mastering it, will give you the best of marriage.
ALIGN YOUR SCHEDULE
I never realized that this would be such an issue. But once married, you will need to learn to make sure that your schedules are in synced.
Making plans for the day or for the week requires always thinking about your spouse as part of your daily grind.
The first few conflicts we had as a married couple was getting the rhythm of our schedule. John will set meetings assuming I am aware of it. I on the other hand, would also book activities with other people on that same time and day.
The tension begins when we discover that we have overlapping appointments at opposite sides of the metro – of course it becomes a hassle.
One time, John surprised me with an out of the country trip only to realize after booking the flight that I had a hosting event in the Philippines on one of the dates that we were out.
Since we wanted to honor that booking, I ended up flying back earlier instead of spending 2 more days with John.
Today, we have aligned our schedule through a merged calendar app. I have learned to ask before making any commitment. It has allowed us to operate as one.
ALIGN YOUR PRIORITIES
Next to God, your number one priority is your spouse.
There will be major adjustments when it comes to your friends, past time activities, work and hobbies.
Sometimes we think we can still do our usual routines of playing 2-3x a week basketball or having regular happy hour cocktails or weekend gimmicks. This can be a cause of stress for your marriage especially if it will mean that your spouse is not part of those activities.
Many wives have complained and cried over how their husbands can be insensitive to how they spend their time with other things rather than spending time with them.
That is why weekly dates are necessary to help strengthen your marriage.
Also sometimes, some activities might have to be dropped because its not giving you a healthy marriage.
Being able to know your priorities and owning up to it, helps make you one flesh.
ALIGN YOUR FAMILY IDENTITY
You will now be known as Mr. AND Mrs. Married Couple.
Entering the marriage, you and your spouse must be able to answer these questions: What is our family vision statement? What is our family values? What will I contribute in the marriage to make it exciting? What is our family goals for the first year? What role will I play in this marriage? What irks my spouse and what encourages my spouse?
Being able to respond to these questions helps you build your identity as married couple. This gives your marriage direction and allows you to have your own special identity.[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Images by John Mateos Ong.[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_block_grid type=”two-up”][x_block_grid_item][/x_block_grid_item][x_block_grid_item]About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.
https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/weddings60.jpg12001800W@W Editorhttps://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/WAWLOGO.pngW@W Editor2016-02-16 13:41:062016-02-19 11:56:09WaW Column: Before I do
