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WaW Before I Do: Understanding Your Covenant

/in , /by

[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]One of the common questions we get as counselors is this “If you catch your spouse with a 3rd party, is that enough reason to quit the marriage?” Or “What if you’re not happy with the marriage, what do you do?” Our general answer is “Stay and work it out!”. The only reason we can think of that can justify ending the relationship is when your life is in danger. Other than that, go back and work it out. One of our other common reply also is “Are you sure that you have totally exhausted all possible measures?” If they say yes then we give them things that usually couples have not tried. Have you ever tried working out in the gym and think you can’t do another rep, till your trainer or spotter says “Go! 3 more!” and you end up being able to do it. When you think you’ve exhausted everything, contact us and we’ll show you how you can do 3 more things to keep that relationship alive.

Husband & Wives, as they enter the marriage, should stick into their minds that there are “No escape buttons, no ejects and no quits in marriage”. It’s different when you enter the marriage with that mindset. Think of the workers who clean windows on high rise buildings, have you ever wondered how it could feel like being 50 floors up? the wind, the heat, the dirt? the dizziness? They do it not because they love the thrill of putting their life in danger but because there are no options. Marriage needs to be like this, no plan Bs.

I realize, why people give up so easily is that they never understood what they were getting into. The commitment was sub-standard to begin with. So I would like to dedicate this article to make you understand what makes a covenant so special:

  • A covenant is based on trust. A contract is based on distrust meaning to make sure the other party delivers what is supposed to be delivered. Usually, a contract involves the service that needs to be given and how much you need to pay. But not only that, it also usually says what is to be done as penalty for not being able to deliver. Check your lease agreement or the loan agreement that you signed with the bank. Because a contract is based on dis-trust. A covenant however is based on trust… true it is an agreement but it is entered into with the premise that the other party is going to do their part no matter what.
  • Subject – Why do you get married in the church and not just do a civil wedding? Because you want to get the pastor or the priest’s blessing and you think that with their blessing you are getting God’s blessing as well. Let me tell you this, if this were so, then the promise you are making is not only between yourselves nor is it with the person officiating your wedding but also to God. Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 says “When you make a promise to God, don’t delay in following through, for God takes no pleasure in fools. Keep all the promises you make to him. It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it.” However, being Civilly wed does not mean there is less commitment in your marriage. It is as binding and as recognized by God as a church wedding because the officiant was also instituted or instilled by God and is His authority.
  • Coverage – While some contracts have expiration dates, covenants do not. Even in case a law is passed that says marriages must be renewed every so and so years, in God’s eyes marriage is a lifetime which is why we say “in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer till death do us part” it means in any and all condition the marriage stays.
  • Effect – It involved 3 parties, you, your spouse and God. There are no other parties involved. So you two may agree that it is best to live separated, or divorced or annulled (whatever you want to call it) and the state may even agree with you but God will never agree to it and His laws are higher than the law of the land.

I’m sorry if this article is not what you expected… but we feel that many couples nowadays need to put in more commitment to the marriage. As a photographer, a usual complaint of couples after all the posing and picture taking is “Ang hirap pala ikasal” and I would joke by replying “I intentionally do that so that you will not think of doing it again”. A joke but a lot of truth… we should never think of doing it again and start living out our promise to stick it out “in richer or poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part” and not just let it be a cliche that we were forced into saying in order to get the officiant’s signature on our marriage contracts. If you don’t mean it — perhaps you are not ready to wed.

 

Read more of John & Monique Ong’s articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong:

Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: Temperaments

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[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Monique and I are really quite different. I am a born leader and visionary. I want to make things happen and will do everything to reach it. I am very result oriented. I get the greatest high seeing things accomplished.

Then I met Monique. She is very creative. She loves talking and is the life of the party. She is Ms. Congeniality. But there are things that gets to me. She has the tendency to be late. She is a great starter and she inspires people but she thrives in short projects and can’t seem to be doing something on a routine.

I realize while we were dating that we are really two different people. This is my proof that I do love her because despite the flaws I have learned to love the whole package and appreciate how God made her. But as we know many couples will find themselves in a major hurdle because they can’t seem to pass the fact that their spouse can irritate them. Are these one of the things that are issues to you?

  • Pressing the tooth paste just about anywhere
  • Being Late
  • You’re off to travel but don’t have concrete plans
  • Clothes left in the floor
  • Being forgetful
  • Hearing harsh words when making mistakes
  • Too chill and relaxed

If one of these things bother you, we have good news for you. It’s really no biggie. Every person has a kind of temperament. This is how God designed all of us. There are no right or wrong temperaments — Each one has its own strength and and it’s own weakness. Each one needs the other. We can’t have just one. Understanding your temperament can really impact your relationship with your spouse, your office mates and even your kids. I am even quite surprise that even churches use this. The author of the book Personality Plus actually turns out to be a devout Christian herself.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Temperaments-e1463384569749.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]So there are 4 Major Temperaments (major because I’ve seen several off-shoots) and they are:

1. Choleric – are the born leaders and master builders. They are very strong willed, decisive, courageous and practical. They know what they want and know how to get it. They want things done immediately at all cost which sometimes rubs people differently. They can be very opinionated and domineering. They can be cold, insensitive, sarcastic and insensitive.

2. Phlegmatic – are the diplomats who are calm and quiet listeners. They would rather be led than to lead. Usually, they just sit waiting for anyone trying to start a conversation. Their strength is in the fact that they are resilient.

3. Sanguine – are outgoing, creative, passionate and enthusiastic people. They are your best salesman and speaker. The are charismatic and pretty much the life of the party. A sanguine though being carefree in nature can be disorganized, unproductive and undependable.

4. Melancholic – are the philosophers and the gifted artist of the group. They are idealistic, analytical, organized, perfectionist and sensitive. They are also very moody, negative, critical; and self-centered.

So here is where the conflict lies. Imagine a Melancholic Husband married to a Sanguine. The wife wants to talk but the husband has a list of things to do and he won’t be free till a few hours later. He is distracted because the wife is too noisy. When they travel, the husband wants everything planned out and refuses to leave without a booking but the wife thinks it would be just so romantic to jump on the plane and on to a mystery adventure. Both are right and yet their difference causes them major conflict.

What must you do? We can learn how to grow together as husband and wife. Just because you have a certain temperament does not mean you can’t try to adjust and learn to live harmoniously with others.

Choleric needs to Tame down and relax. Learn to be more loving, patient & compassionate. Be aware of the limitations of each temperament and admit that you are not perfect and at times at fault. Admit your mistakes unconditionally justifying your actions.

Motivate Phlegmatic to liven up and learn to do things with excitement & zest. Learn to accept responsibility and try not to put off for tomorrow what you can do today. Practice making decision and that includes learning to say no. Initiate talking even when you’re not comfortable.

Organize the Sanguines – must learn to talk only half as much and be aware when you are already getting bored. Be sensitive to other people’s interest and learn to listen. Write things down and don’t think that you always need to fill in the gaps. Put your life together and grow-up.

Melancholics must learn to cheer up – Realize no one likes gloomy people. Don’t look for trouble and and not be too sensitive. Search for the source of your insecurities and be aware of your false humilities. There are times wherein you need to relax some of your standards.

If you are aware of each other’s strength and weakness, you can change your expectations of each other and make the right allowances. Each personality has its strength and weakness and knowing your temperament will enable you to know what kind of role / task your partner or even children will be best at doing.

So do you want to take the test? Find it here together with more information about your temperament: www.anounceoffaith.com/free[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]