WaW Before I Do: 5 Questions Couples Must Ask Before They Tie The Knot

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[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Before they marry, specially in the few days prior, couples are often faced by multitudes of questions.  Some of these questions are ok to be left unanswered as they are not as toxic or as harmful as some.  These are questions that are just part of the wedding jitters but there are some that should never ever be brushed aside because these are supposed to trigger warning signs should you be not ready.

I know it’s been said before to almost all people getting married that “any sign of doubt, you should put off the wedding” but out of every 100 weddings, how many do you think gets set aside until smoke clears out? One or maybe not even.  Usually, we pay more attention to the stronger feeling of (1) Shame – what will people say?  We’ve already sent out invites, (2) Waste – we’ve already spent so much and (3) Confidence – maybe its just part of getting married and we’ll just sort it out once we are there.

Well, do me a favor and keep the questions that I mention… dwell on it and be sure of your answers.

  1. Am I really ready? – Did I give this decision enough thought and prayer? Being ready is not just to receive but to let go. Like what?  Hobbies, friends, lifestyle & relatives!  I am not saying ignore them totally but to fix your priorities and make your spouse #2 in your life.
  2. Do I really know my partner? – There are different levels of knowing…  sometimes, people use their hearts too much and leave so much to be risked.  Did you give the relationship enough time for you to know not only the good points but the bad points.  Realize that just like a car, problems don’t usually manifest or show up early on.  Many traits are triggered by situations and so to know each other truly you should have gone through different situations in life.  These are recessed characteristics that are rarely triggered but must be known.  How is your partner during these situations (there are more actually)?:
    1. He loses money
    2. There is conflict of ideas
    3. drunk?
    4. Made to wait
    5. Irritated
  3. Do I really trust my partner? – Is he what he says he is or are there kept secrets? How do you know? Have you met the future in-laws and the best friends?  Have you pointed out your person of peace?
  4. Are we ready in all aspects? – all means ALL!
    1. Financially – Are there debts that need to be settled?  Have we actually done financial planning on how income and expenses would look once we live together?
    2. Physically – Any Sickness I need to be aware of? I know some people who after a year of marriage have become widows.  Aside from health, are we both physically capable of fulfilling our roles as husband & wife? These include plan Bs for kids in case we can’t bear one.
    3. Mentally – Do we agree that we both want to do this will all our heart, mind and soul?
    4. Legally – Are we of legal age and have we fixed up everything that needed to be fixed?  Hopefully not pre-marital agreements but similar to those things.
    5. Spiritually – Did I get my parents blessing, do we share the same faith and beliefs?
  5. Do I know my responsibilities & am do I accept them? Some people don’t know at all but some know but don’t accept thinking they’ll find a way around it or that they must be an exception but the worse part is, some people think they know but they actually don’t.  These are people who think that marriage is easy because they see only the good side of it.  Don’t take me wrong, marriage is good… but I believe, marriage is good only when the husband and wife loves and lives in harmony.  Then marriage feels like a blessing…

So if you seriously used the questions above to figure out whether you are with the right person or this is the right time or situation, then you probably got some warning signs up.  Now what are you to do about these?  While I do believe that “No one is really 100% ready” as they walk down the altar.  I being an entrepreneur also believe that you don’t just ignore them.  Discuss them with your fiancee and come up with an attack plan.  It would be suicidal to just keep them to yourself and think everything will fix itself (cause it won’t).  Now I know some will do that thinking it might freak their spouse saying “You are calling off the wedding just because of an article you read?” but they won’t and they shouldn’t! and if they do — well then that’s another warning sign for you.

There’s more valid questions but I believe these are my top 5s.  What are yours?

Want to know more? We’re actually organizing a one day event on Feb 21, 2017 1 – 6 pm at the Robinson’s Magnolia Activity Center.  It’s free for soon-to-be weds but if you want us to reserve you a seat, be sure to register at www.beforeidoworkshop.com

Read more of John & Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong:

John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding hosts and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: Understanding Your Covenant

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[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]One of the common questions we get as counselors is this “If you catch your spouse with a 3rd party, is that enough reason to quit the marriage?” Or “What if you’re not happy with the marriage, what do you do?” Our general answer is “Stay and work it out!”. The only reason we can think of that can justify ending the relationship is when your life is in danger. Other than that, go back and work it out. One of our other common reply also is “Are you sure that you have totally exhausted all possible measures?” If they say yes then we give them things that usually couples have not tried. Have you ever tried working out in the gym and think you can’t do another rep, till your trainer or spotter says “Go! 3 more!” and you end up being able to do it. When you think you’ve exhausted everything, contact us and we’ll show you how you can do 3 more things to keep that relationship alive.

Husband & Wives, as they enter the marriage, should stick into their minds that there are “No escape buttons, no ejects and no quits in marriage”. It’s different when you enter the marriage with that mindset. Think of the workers who clean windows on high rise buildings, have you ever wondered how it could feel like being 50 floors up? the wind, the heat, the dirt? the dizziness? They do it not because they love the thrill of putting their life in danger but because there are no options. Marriage needs to be like this, no plan Bs.

I realize, why people give up so easily is that they never understood what they were getting into. The commitment was sub-standard to begin with. So I would like to dedicate this article to make you understand what makes a covenant so special:

  • A covenant is based on trust. A contract is based on distrust meaning to make sure the other party delivers what is supposed to be delivered. Usually, a contract involves the service that needs to be given and how much you need to pay. But not only that, it also usually says what is to be done as penalty for not being able to deliver. Check your lease agreement or the loan agreement that you signed with the bank. Because a contract is based on dis-trust. A covenant however is based on trust… true it is an agreement but it is entered into with the premise that the other party is going to do their part no matter what.
  • Subject – Why do you get married in the church and not just do a civil wedding? Because you want to get the pastor or the priest’s blessing and you think that with their blessing you are getting God’s blessing as well. Let me tell you this, if this were so, then the promise you are making is not only between yourselves nor is it with the person officiating your wedding but also to God. Ecclesiastes 5:4-5 says “When you make a promise to God, don’t delay in following through, for God takes no pleasure in fools. Keep all the promises you make to him. It is better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it.” However, being Civilly wed does not mean there is less commitment in your marriage. It is as binding and as recognized by God as a church wedding because the officiant was also instituted or instilled by God and is His authority.
  • Coverage – While some contracts have expiration dates, covenants do not. Even in case a law is passed that says marriages must be renewed every so and so years, in God’s eyes marriage is a lifetime which is why we say “in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer till death do us part” it means in any and all condition the marriage stays.
  • Effect – It involved 3 parties, you, your spouse and God. There are no other parties involved. So you two may agree that it is best to live separated, or divorced or annulled (whatever you want to call it) and the state may even agree with you but God will never agree to it and His laws are higher than the law of the land.

I’m sorry if this article is not what you expected… but we feel that many couples nowadays need to put in more commitment to the marriage. As a photographer, a usual complaint of couples after all the posing and picture taking is “Ang hirap pala ikasal” and I would joke by replying “I intentionally do that so that you will not think of doing it again”. A joke but a lot of truth… we should never think of doing it again and start living out our promise to stick it out “in richer or poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part” and not just let it be a cliche that we were forced into saying in order to get the officiant’s signature on our marriage contracts. If you don’t mean it — perhaps you are not ready to wed.

 

Read more of John & Monique Ong’s articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong:

Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: What Would I Say If I Were Your Best Man or Maybe Even The Father of The Bride?

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[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]This is just a thinking out loud article so please pardon me. What if you got John Mateos Ong to be your best man and do a 10 minute speech during the reception about making your marriage work what would he say? Here are the top 5 things on my mind…

Invite Jesus in – This is the most important thing you can do so don’t take it for granted. You can go to church, you can pray (or at least murmur a bunch of words) and even read the bible but if you have not surrendered yourself then it’s all useless. When I say Surrender it means the same as how a soldier would surrender himself to the enemy. It means stopping the the fight, giving up and allowing him. It means submitting yourself to God’s will, His rules and dominion over you realizing and believing what he wants is the best for you. You may not agree with it 100% but you know in case you don’t see eye to eye — He’s probably right and you’re probably wrong.

It’s a process – Marriage is not the end, its the start of a new journey and from here I wanna ask you where you want to go. Do you want to make it heavenly or hell like? What must you do? Here are some suggestions:

  • Dating never stops after marriage.
  • Be in a group that regularly asks – How is marriage? How can it improve?
  • Get into annual marriage retreats where you can enjoy each other and know more about each other.

Leave your baggage – Since today is the starting point, I think this is a must. Your problems and issues must be left in the past life. Accept each other as a whole, flaws and all. Unfortunately, you can’t be selective in what you want to accept in your spouse like “I love your sweetness but I hate your snoring so lets separate rooms at night”. No! it’s all part of the package…

Remember you are a team – You don’t lose your individual identities. I am still John and Monique is still Monique but you have to learn to start thinking about the “US”. Purchases, trips or decisions that affect the family. You two are on the same team and never against each other. Problems start when you start thinking she’s my enemy.

Do things together and be together – I wrote an article a few months back about doing things together and these things best done when you are together physically. I am sad when one person needs to be away for several months for work. I get homesick and miss my family the minute I get on the plane. It is not how God designed it.

As I end this article, my encouragement for all husbands & wives is to be passionate about your role as husband and wife. When I discovered photography, I didn’t just buy a camera. I researched on it’s history, I bought books, watched videos, attended seminars and workshops… I cleaned my camera day and night and took it wherever I went. I would talk about it with friends sharing new discoveries that I learned. When I’m not doing anything, I would open my laptop and look at my pictures to see how I can improve. That’s passion! And if we can be like this with something as simple as photography why can we not do the same for marriage? Wives should hunger to become the best wife she can be and how they can serve their husbands best… and husbands should be on-fire at becoming the best husband and loving their wives like no one can (except for God).

 

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s WaW Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong:

Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: Sex Is Important

/in , /by

[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Sex is a gift from God for married couples.  It was made for the primary purpose of procreation.  Sex helps couples learn to become one flesh – therefore it is designed to build intimacy and pleasure. It also serves as protection within the marriage from outside temptations and hazards. Sex is beautiful and powerful if activated within its proper function.

Sex before marriage is the cheap imitation of the real one.  First, it will make you believe that you are in search of the “sexually compatible one”.  Then the world dictates that you are missing out when you don’t test it out.  It also promises to make your relationship grow deeper and move to the more serious level of your relationship. These lies are selling like hot cakes because while people are not talking about it, it is a walking epidemic trend. You can tell by how many people go haywire after a failed relationship.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/SexIsImpt3.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Unfortunately, we bought the lie and we can personally tell you that though sex before marriage may be pleasurable, it actually ends up as a curse. It seems very exciting in the beginning because it is done in secret, in the heat of spice and so called romance. It really binds two people together for “no purpose”. There is no real commitment that seals the relationship therefore it opens itself to sickness, pain, infidelity and even unwanted pregnancy.  Sex before marriage destroys the purity of a person not just physically but even emotionally.  Women who come out of disastrous sexual relationships – are never the same. They battle with finding their identity, insecurity, worthlessness, low self-esteem, self-condemnation and even jealousy.  They are so broken that they end up having very poor choices in relationships in the desire to find love. Men on the other hand, develop an appetite to have more of it and without self-control can lead themselves to being slaves of their own flesh.

This is why sex is not to be taken lightly. Sex must be given importance because it can lose its power when you enter into marriage. Many couples who engage in pre-marital sex have confessed that when they got married, sex became dry and monotonous.  They started also to look for romance and spark that they had when they were doing it “illegally”.  That gives them more temptation now to look over the fence and start walking on the edge to see if there is something more to their sex life in marriage.  This is the trap that many couples get into because they sold themselves short out of their own blessings.

 If you have messed up and you’re about to get married, what should you do?

We encourage you to have a healthy discussion about keeping the purity of your relationship by holding sex sacred through abstaining till God grants you marriage. Being engaged to be married still does not give you the license to do it.  If you really love the person, then you are willing to wait to do it at the right time.  There is no wisdom when the person says “If you love me, you will prove it by giving yourself to me.” The truth is that person does not love you at all. They love only themselves.  In marriage you cannot be selfish.  Marriage requires you to be constantly selfless. So if that person really loves you, then they can wait because you are worth waiting for.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/SexIsImpt2.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]We encourage you to pray together to help you stay focus on the end goal. The end goal is to be able to experience the joy and fulfillment of sex within marriage.  Many couples who have stumbled and want to do it right, will experience some form of “withdrawal syndrome”. Some start to get insecure and anxious that their partner might cheat on them so they start behaving in a very unusual manner. Some will argue and fight because they are trying to stay in control.  This is where you will need God to step in and let Him walk with you in victory. It is very possible to be a conqueror! It will not be an easy time… But hang in there — there is great treasure awaiting at the start of your marriage.

We encourage you to focus on how to be a great spouse instead of focusing on your partner.  Make sure that you are ready to take the role of husband or wife.  If you don’t know how to cook, start learning. If you need to know how to handle finances start taking classes. Surround yourself with godly married people who can teach you the ropes in marriage.  Learn as much as you can. Find yourselves godly accountability couples that can help you walk the right path into marriage.

While waiting, prepare to have the best sex ever.  In other words, prepare yourself to be one with your spouse. Physically, start exercising and eating right. Emotionally – keep your heart, eyes, mind and mouth pure. Think of things that are positive, things that build each other up, things that are beautiful. Live it and speak it out.  Spiritually – offer your marriage to be used by God. Connect yourself with the Lord so you can see His great plan for your life.

Sex is beautiful. Sex is important.  It’s your gift to claim in marriage. Get the full load of its blessing by not having it any other way.

 

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s WaW Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong:

Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: 3 Things I Hope You Are Doing In Your Marriage

/in , /by

[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Monique & I both love traveling. We love traveling with our families (even if packing, waking them up is a pain) but also at least once or twice a year, we also make it a point to travel by ourselves.

I know for many hands on responsible parents, this is a huge NO-NO! Kids should always come… right? But what if your marriage is damaged, won’t that affect your kids too? Saying No to “time alone” says this — if we focus on being good parents being a good spouse will follow.

May I correct you?

It’s actually the other way around. When you become a good husband or wife and your kids see it, you are actually modeling a good example for them to follow.

So I’ve come up a list of three things that I believe every family should be doing so that your marriage will be strengthened and so will your parenting.

1. Pray together out loud – this may get intimidating at first and sometimes in our family, my kids Ezra and JD would actually even point fingers at each other on who would go first. First of all, I show them that it’s never a burden to pray but a privilege. Sometimes we parents communicate this message to them. How? When we say “What? Why do I get to pray first again tonight when I was already first last night?”. Does this sound like you?

May I add one more? Prayer doesn’t have to be long… but don’t make it general. Pray for very specific stuff and remember to include a little bit of glorifying the Father, sorries, thank you before making your requests for yourself and other people.

Praying together has been a part of our family so much that when Monique or I forget, you can be assured that one of our kids will remind us. And yes, admittedly, we’ve used prayer to correct each other like when one prays “Please teach JD to share..” but it has made a huge impact in our family.

2. Talk about nothing – for many people, you don’t date your wife because you’re afraid of what to talk about. It seems like dead air is sin. It’s a sign of boredom when in fact, one thing I love about my wife is I can come to her tired and I know she won’t make me work or think anymore.

Intentionally set times for just being together physically away from the noise and that includes those that come from each other.

On the other hand, may I also encourage that you also set an environment where you can just talk about anything and everything? That no topic is too shallow or too heavy, too important or too irrelevant.

Just talk.

Lastly, 3. Do things together — I know men need their cave time – a thing that they get to do alone. But before you plan those cave times, do you actually have activities that you do together? Since it’s very rare that both of you actually like everything the other likes, there is a need to be intentional and at least try out some of the things your spouse likes. Does she like watching Telenovela? Why not watch it together? Does your husband play games? Why not try it out. The important thing is important to find something to do together that you both enjoy. Whatever it is, finding shared activities will prove to be beneficial for your marriage. Find something.

We are currently in Guam and last night as Monique and I walked through Gun Beach boulevard, we chatted about how much we both loved traveling. The only difference probably is that sometimes, our traveling worries Monique because she gets to pay the credit card and I told her “If the time comes we need to sell properties, lets do so, because I don’t know until what age I can get to do this.”

Last week, our finance made us sign our latest financial papers and part of it was our Statement of Assets, Liabilities and Net worth. As we chatted yesterday, I asked Monique if she saw it and she said yes. It was an amount we did not know we actually have and we most of the time don’t feel that its there. I said “Not bad right? To think I entered this world with absolutely nothing and we’re not necessarily the stingy types.”

I believe in living within your means (or probably even below) but I am a much stronger believer in not storing so much in this world that you don’t want to leave it. You don’t have to spend so much to do the 3 things I listed above. I do hope and pray that these advices make your marriage stronger.

Here’s a little video that we did while we are here in Guam which is also our first ever Facebook live video http://bit.ly/2bZgEgd.

 

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong:

Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: Becoming Closer

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[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]We’ve organized the “Before & After I do” www.beforeidoworkshop.com 21x the past decade. Recently, I’ve been thinking, for couples who attend who are not fully surrendered to Jesus and for whatever reason do not read the Bible (either busy or they don’t believe in it) and perhaps some may even be there happy to pick-up a nugget of gold or two (selective in what they are to accept), what probably is the topic that they most find not clear or hard to swallow.

Aside from the wife submitting to the husband, I guess it would be this diagram.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/BecomingCloser2.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]What this says is, that if you want to be closer to each other, the only way to do this is to get close to God. Do you get the point? A non-debating Christian would probably agree, a normal Christian would probably ask some questions and a cynical person would ask the following questions:

a. Why does it have to be a triangle?
b. Why does the sides have to be equal all the time?
c. Why can’t we move closer to each other without God?

If you look at it at a normal person’s stand point, the questions do make sense and so in this article, I would like to give clarity to it and stress out why I believe this principle is correct. The main point in layman’s term is this: “You may try to get to know each other better and love each other more — but unless God is in the equation. You are bound for failure!”[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/BecomingCloser1.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]So now lets ask Why?

Point #1 – You are two entire different people – Yes you may have same interest, you may even say you’re beginning to look alike but the fact remains the same – through spirits your might have been joint together as one but physically you are different! You won’t always have the same feelings, you won’t always agree on everything, different moods and you will even go through different problems… When these differences get to you – you will see that some are manageable but sometimes there are issues that rock the boat. What do you do when you get to an issue where no one else gives in or what you call a dead lock? One has to give way and surrender his/her point even when they think they’re right?

When you feel your differences and you can’t see eye to eye. The fear of God will make you not give up no matter what.

Point #2 – Life is not perfect – Lets say you’ve hurdled point #1 without God. Great! You guys always agree 99% and you’ve decided the 1% is negligible. This doesn’t mean however you can escape the stress of life. Business go bankrupt, people get sick, annoying people surround you, you get scammed, you get tempted, for sure someone dear to you will die— but what do you do when when challenges have become more than you can bear?

When they become too big – trust and faith in God will keep you sane and strong. He will be your peace through the storm.

Point #3 – Because we don’t know love – Love has many levels… You tell our wife “I love you” and later on say “I love my dog”. Do you love them equally? Of course not! Another example: Monday you tell her I love you and Friday you again tell her you love her but there is a possibility you love her more on Monday than friday depending on your mood that day. Why is this so? Because the love we know is different from biblical love… Here is how Jesus describes this love:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25

How much did Jesus love the church? So much He died for it. He loved it more than he loved himself. Jesus also loved the church regardless if it could love Him back. When Jesus decided to die for us, we were not worthy and in fact we were sinners, but Jesus died for us because He loved us.

This my friend, is how we are to love our spouses. Jesus set an example that we are to follow. Not dependent on our mood, or what our spouse does, but our commitment to love is unconditional. Now how can someone who don’t know the Lord know this? Where else can we see this kind of love being given out?

So here in my 3 points are my reasons, as to why we say and hold firm to the principle that in Marriage, in order to be close to each other, we need to get close to God.

 

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]About John & Monique Ong: 

Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: 10 Financial Tips Before Getting Married

/in , /by

[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]1. The Great Huddle

Find a time to sit down and discuss all financial matters between you and your fiancé. In this huddle session, you are to be transparent regarding your financial status. It’s like presenting your Statement of Assets, Liabilities and Net Worth (SALN) to each other. Here you can have a clear picture of how much each one earns, spends, invest and in some cases what kind of debt you will be marrying into. This meeting is a MUST because it gives you a framework of the life and lifestyle you will be having as a married couple.

2. Seek a Financial Counselor to see how to merge your finances

We are strong believers in seeking help to build a strong foundation of marriage. You may want to attend financial learning seminars like the Family and Finance Seminar. You can opt to sit with a financial adviser to help give you direction and can help build a 5- year plan for your family finances.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/BeforeIDo_FamilyandFinance3.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]3. Set up your first budget as a couple.

You can start putting down both your monthly income in an excel file column (make sure its net of all taxes and benefits such as SSS, Phil health and Pag-ibig). Then you start writing down on another column all your possible expenses: Rent, transportation, food and grocery expenses, communication expenses, utilities and even leisure and entertainment expenses.

When you have written down all your expenses, you can now deduct your monthly income from your expenses to get your monthly net worth. This will give you a clear picture if you are earning enough. It is good if you can have savings at least 20% of whatever you earn. If you are running on the red side, we suggest that you look at your expenses and note which are wants and which are really needs. You can now adjust and make wise decision as to what you will be willing to spend on as a couple.

4. Identify the Family CFO (Chief Finance Officer)

People have always asked us – who should hold the money? Is it the one earning or the who is at home? Should it be male or female? Should the one who earns more have the better say? What is the right formula?

We always find it amusing when couples choose their CFO based on who earns more or based on gender. The truth is, it should be based on who has the talent or gift to manage your family finances. In our family, Monique is the CFO because she has the gift of accounting and managing funds. It is also okay to have the Chief Purchaser of the family because that will be someone who can find the best bargain for the run of your money.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/BeforeIDo_FamilyandFinance4-e1468987329679.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]5. Begin saving for your emergency fund.

It is wise to save for rainy days. We want to prepare for things we don’t expect to come such as: health concerns, home repairs, upgrades, work layoff and other unnecessary expenses. You need to be ready to face these situations. So setting aside savings for your emergency fund is a good way to battle unwanted circumstances in your life. A good emergency fund amount to be raised should aim to have a minimum of 6 months’ worth of your income saved. You put this in a separate account and only touch it when it is for emergency use. It is highly recommended that you set up your emergency fund first before investing in other things.

6. Stop Spending on Credit

I know it is so tempting to use credit card for all your transactions. Credit card users must have the discipline to pay off the amount when the bill is due. If you cannot manage to pay on time, then credit cards are not going to be a helpful aid to you. If you are starting off as a family, we recommend to work on an envelope system. Every envelope has a designated amount of money assigned to be used to keep you within budget.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/BeforeIDo_FamilyandFinance5.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]7. Pay Bills on Time

Paying your bills on time sets you free from penalties, inconveniences of having services cut off and running into debt. Have the discipline to know the payment schedule of all your expenses so you can learn how to manage your cash flow.

8. Pay Off Debt Plan

For those who find themselves tangled in debt, we want to encourage you to get out it as soon as you can. Create a pay-off schedule plan and stick to it. Being debt-free means also allowing you to take away stress from your marriage.

9. Plan a Wedding on a Realistic Budget

We know everyone looks forward to their dream wedding. In many cases these weddings are very lavish, luxurious and to a fault impractically expensive. When planning a wedding, know what will matter most to you as a couple. Prioritize on things that will last. Always keep in mind that the wedding is just one day while marriage is a lifetime. So don’t jumpstart your marriage with debts. Be creative, find alternatives and if you really want a supplier to be part of your dream team, be responsible enough to find ways to pay them without hurting your marriage.

10. Live Below Your Means

It’s not how much you earn but how much you spend that spells the difference. We have seen people who have lower income compared to others and enjoy a full life. On the other hand, we know of people who earn so much more and still cannot make ends meet. The secret is seen in how they spend. It’s a good practice to learn how to live below your means. That means you fully understand how far your money can stretch and are fully aware of the priorities of your family’s needs. You live humbly and wisely.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/BeforeIDo_FamilyandFinance2-e1468987774960.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]If you want to learn how to be financially healthy, join the Family and Finance Seminar this July 30, 2016. Learn how to EARN, SPEND, SAVE and INVEST the RIGHT WAY.

 

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong: 

Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: The Marriage Club

/in , /by

[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Do you know that it is only in the Philippines where we have godparents as part of our wedding entourage?  In several cross cultural weddings, foreigners would find it very unique for Filipinos to have “Principal Sponsors”.  We believe “godparents” are handpicked to help couples be guided through married life. We have seen godparents of the bride and groom from their baptism or dedication become the same godparents in the next phase of their life. There are those that have impacted the couple the most in their career or relationship that they find it significant for them to be part of their sponsors list. In many Filipino weddings they invite very respectable and honorable VIPs to be part of the married couple’s life.

The concept of having godparents is an ideal picture for any married couple starting up their family. Interestingly though, 90% of the time godparents never really play an active role in the marriage of the couple. That is why treading into married life can be very lonely at times.  I say lonely because you have no one to confide to when issues creep in. No one is cheering you on or is giving you a check and balance if you are doing okay as a married couple.  John and I have found the secret to surviving and enjoying married life more.  We have decided to join the marriage club![/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/TheMarriageClub2.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Okay so we put a fancy name to it. What we really call this marriage club is “Couple’s Accountability Group”. How did we find them? It was divinely orchestrated. John and I are major believers in enriching and nourishing our marriage. So we push ourselves to go and join couple gatherings like “SATURDATES” or joining the Before I do Workshop. We also get into a yearly couples retreat. We do this not because we are problematic. We already try to solve it before it ever becomes a problem. In these special venues, God has given us marriage mentors and couples to walk with in our married life. We do not meet to brag about our perfections. We meet because we know we are very broken and we need people to help us see our blind spots. They are our prayer partners for all our dreams and struggles as a couple. We learn from each other’s mistakes and our goal is really to be better husband and wife.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/TheMarriageClub1.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]What happens in a couple’s accountability?

Couples accountability usually becomes a group date. You can go out for dinner in a nice restaurant or you can pot luck in one of the couple’s home.  The goal of the group is to always make the marriage like a well-oiled machine. This is not a gossip gathering. It’s a time for honesty, learning, growth and maturity. We begin by rating our marriage from 1-10. One meaning  we are completely a wreck this week to 10 – we are really enjoying the fullness of marriage.  This rating gives us a picture of the temperature of each other’s marriages.

We ask questions.  We ask hard questions.

  1. What were the issues that arose this week? Did you resolve it? If not how do you plan to resolve it?
  2. What is God teaching you this week?
  3. What sin are you struggling on?
  4. How can you improve as a spouse this week?
  5. What is your prayer request?

Then we dig into God’s word and truth on marriage and be strengthened and encouraged by it.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/TheMarriageClub3.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]We don’t expect that everything gets fixed in one meeting. We understand that change is a process but being able to air it out, share it and listen to godly advice is a big start to a having the marriage you have always wanted.

I highly recommend every couple to be part of a couple’s accountability group.  It has saved so many marriages. It has enriched our marriage.  Our children are growing side by side theirs. It’s really what we call growing together and walking life on life.  We don’t just meet to air our grievances. We meet to make our life more meaningful.  We travel together and we have made the best memories as families.

Want to find your very own couples accountability group?  You can join us on June 25, 2016 at A. Venue Makati. Check out ido.com.ph.

 [/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/TheMarriageClub4.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text] 

Read more of John & Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I Do: Temperaments

/in , /by

[cs_content][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]Monique and I are really quite different. I am a born leader and visionary. I want to make things happen and will do everything to reach it. I am very result oriented. I get the greatest high seeing things accomplished.

Then I met Monique. She is very creative. She loves talking and is the life of the party. She is Ms. Congeniality. But there are things that gets to me. She has the tendency to be late. She is a great starter and she inspires people but she thrives in short projects and can’t seem to be doing something on a routine.

I realize while we were dating that we are really two different people. This is my proof that I do love her because despite the flaws I have learned to love the whole package and appreciate how God made her. But as we know many couples will find themselves in a major hurdle because they can’t seem to pass the fact that their spouse can irritate them. Are these one of the things that are issues to you?

  • Pressing the tooth paste just about anywhere
  • Being Late
  • You’re off to travel but don’t have concrete plans
  • Clothes left in the floor
  • Being forgetful
  • Hearing harsh words when making mistakes
  • Too chill and relaxed

If one of these things bother you, we have good news for you. It’s really no biggie. Every person has a kind of temperament. This is how God designed all of us. There are no right or wrong temperaments — Each one has its own strength and and it’s own weakness. Each one needs the other. We can’t have just one. Understanding your temperament can really impact your relationship with your spouse, your office mates and even your kids. I am even quite surprise that even churches use this. The author of the book Personality Plus actually turns out to be a devout Christian herself.[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Temperaments-e1463384569749.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_text]So there are 4 Major Temperaments (major because I’ve seen several off-shoots) and they are:

1. Choleric – are the born leaders and master builders. They are very strong willed, decisive, courageous and practical. They know what they want and know how to get it. They want things done immediately at all cost which sometimes rubs people differently. They can be very opinionated and domineering. They can be cold, insensitive, sarcastic and insensitive.

2. Phlegmatic – are the diplomats who are calm and quiet listeners. They would rather be led than to lead. Usually, they just sit waiting for anyone trying to start a conversation. Their strength is in the fact that they are resilient.

3. Sanguine – are outgoing, creative, passionate and enthusiastic people. They are your best salesman and speaker. The are charismatic and pretty much the life of the party. A sanguine though being carefree in nature can be disorganized, unproductive and undependable.

4. Melancholic – are the philosophers and the gifted artist of the group. They are idealistic, analytical, organized, perfectionist and sensitive. They are also very moody, negative, critical; and self-centered.

So here is where the conflict lies. Imagine a Melancholic Husband married to a Sanguine. The wife wants to talk but the husband has a list of things to do and he won’t be free till a few hours later. He is distracted because the wife is too noisy. When they travel, the husband wants everything planned out and refuses to leave without a booking but the wife thinks it would be just so romantic to jump on the plane and on to a mystery adventure. Both are right and yet their difference causes them major conflict.

What must you do? We can learn how to grow together as husband and wife. Just because you have a certain temperament does not mean you can’t try to adjust and learn to live harmoniously with others.

Choleric needs to Tame down and relax. Learn to be more loving, patient & compassionate. Be aware of the limitations of each temperament and admit that you are not perfect and at times at fault. Admit your mistakes unconditionally justifying your actions.

Motivate Phlegmatic to liven up and learn to do things with excitement & zest. Learn to accept responsibility and try not to put off for tomorrow what you can do today. Practice making decision and that includes learning to say no. Initiate talking even when you’re not comfortable.

Organize the Sanguines – must learn to talk only half as much and be aware when you are already getting bored. Be sensitive to other people’s interest and learn to listen. Write things down and don’t think that you always need to fill in the gaps. Put your life together and grow-up.

Melancholics must learn to cheer up – Realize no one likes gloomy people. Don’t look for trouble and and not be too sensitive. Search for the source of your insecurities and be aware of your false humilities. There are times wherein you need to relax some of your standards.

If you are aware of each other’s strength and weakness, you can change your expectations of each other and make the right allowances. Each personality has its strength and weakness and knowing your temperament will enable you to know what kind of role / task your partner or even children will be best at doing.

So do you want to take the test? Find it here together with more information about your temperament: www.anounceoffaith.com/free[/cs_text][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][cs_section parallax=”false” style=”margin: 0px;padding: 45px 0px;”][cs_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” style=”margin: 0px auto;padding: 0px;”][cs_column fade=”false” fade_animation=”in” fade_animation_offset=”45px” fade_duration=”750″ type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px;”][cs_block_grid type=”two-up”][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 1″]About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/cs_block_grid_item][cs_block_grid_item title=”Block Grid Item 2″]john-monique-ong[/cs_block_grid_item][/cs_block_grid][/cs_column][/cs_row][/cs_section][/cs_content]

WaW Before I do: Lower Expectation, Higher the Appreciation

/in /by

[x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]“I really wanted her to be a homemaker.”

“She does a great job at her office but she could improve more at home.”

“How come he just sits around the TV after work? I understand cave time, but I also want to spend time with him. Every since we got married, I don’t even remember going on dates anymore.”

“I try my best to provide for our home, it wouldn’t be hard enough to ask for a decent meal?”

“Can’t he not see my hands are full? Why can’t he be more sensitive to help around.”

These are just some of the common sentiments married couples go through. There are many tips that we can give for each statement but if I were to draw the source why they feel the way they do, it clearly points out to unspoken expectations.

When couples marry, they bring with them their background and culture. Whatever was modeled to them or whatever experience they had to deal with growing up will manifest itself in the marriage. Every person has their own set of family values, habits and even hurts and hang-ups. That is why if this is not addressed by communicating about it, you will begin to have some form of discontentment within your marriage.

John and I struggled in this too. I remember how I wanted him to open my door, buy me flowers every now and then, and do all those romantic stuff. I wanted him to ballroom dance with me. When we would travel I would love to visit the art galleries and museums. But John was not like that. Of course, I never said anything to him about this – so this resentment grew every time an opportunity came knocking in. So how do resolve this? Here are tips to close the gaps of communication.

1. Talk about your Expectations
In general, most couples are at a loss and without a clue when it comes to the expectations of their spouse. So do the most obvious thing. Come out in the open and start talking about it. It’s fun to play 20 questions with your partner and find out what their wants are and how they would respond to certain situation.

2. Study your spouse
If you love your spouse, you would study them. Study their daily habits and routine. Study what irks or stress them. Find out what makes them happy, sad or angry and what is important to them. When you study them, you will discover a treasure of unspoken wants in them.

Study them in different seasons in their life including in times of trials, sorrow and success.

3. Work from your strength
Are your expectations realistic?

You expect your wife to cook like your mom but the truth is – she has never learned how to cook because she is a career woman. So by putting them in their weakness, it sparks stress and pressure in your relationship.

You expect your husband to be the handyman in the house but he was never exposed to these kinds of work. He can drive the car but does not even know how to fix basic car mishaps. Does that make them less of a man?

I always say find each others key strength and let each one operate base on that. Whoever is better in handling finances, let them handle it. Whoever is better in dealing with administrative family stuff – let that person work on that. When we operate from each others strength we become a better team together.

4. Learn and Unlearn
If your spouse expects you to do this certain assignment and you don’t know what to do, can we encourage you to try to learn it? Don’t make it the excuse not to do it.

Learning makes each one grow as a person.

Take classes for basic life skills: Cooking, chores, emergency response, negotiations, child handling etc. It’s never too late to learn.

It may also require some of us to unlearn. Sometimes its harder to unlearn bad habits than to learn new ones. Sometimes it requires that we don’t leave our clothes on the floor for our spouse to pick up. Sometimes unlearning means to stop speaking harshly to your spouse when he doesn’t meet your expectations.

Unlearning may also mean letting go your family traditions and culture so that you can start a new one that kicks off a wonderful legacy for your family.

5. Higher the Appreciation
In all of this, remember to celebrate your differences. Sometimes we need to cut some slack off our spouse by increasing our appreciation while we lower down our expectation.

John may not open the door for me but he carries my bag and isn’t ashamed to do it.

He may not give me flowers – but he surprises me with out of the country trips and gadgets I don’t ever think about.

He doesn’t dance ballroom but he will get on the dance floor with me and dance hip hop style.

He doesn’t like museums and art gallery but he has entered every single one with me – even if he sleeps on some of it – I know he is trying to learn the things I love.

I appreciate my husband so much because despite of not being this and that on my want list – he always has a way to exceed more than what I expect.

Are you wanting to learn how to communicate with each other? John and I are speaking this Saturday in Saturdates about Tips to Resolving Conflict. 2-5pm CCF Center, Pasig. Feel free to join us.[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/12924421_1674399886155809_3548093271928633775_n.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Photos by John & Monique Ong[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_block_grid type=”two-up”][x_block_grid_item]john-monique-ong[/x_block_grid_item][x_block_grid_item]About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/x_block_grid_item][/x_block_grid][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section]

Bossy Me Now: Submitting to my Hubby Boss

/in , /by

[x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Monique:

Before I was married, I was an accomplished career woman. As an accounts manager for an advertising firm, I brought in millions to the company and everyone was telling me I that was walking on the ladder of success.

I eventually started my own business. With the leadership skills and talent God has given me, I was able to reach even higher heights in my career.

And then came marriage.

I know many wives struggle with power, leadership and control that it hurts the marriage at its early stages. If you are a career oriented woman like me, I would like to impart to you how to transition from being your Bossy self to being the best helpmate to your new Boss – your servant leader, husband.

“For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything” Ephesians 5:22-33.

First understand that God designed couples to have very important roles to play in the marriage. If we don’t follow the design – there are bound to be heartaches. If you’re a goal oriented and success-driven wife – you would want to win in this marriage![/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/chart-submission.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]In this chart, you can see that our husbands carry such a big responsibility to run this marriage. This is the reason why as wives, we need to be good team players alongside our husbands.

How do we become a great team? It starts by being good helpmates. We must learn to submit to their leading.

Submission sounds like a really bad word! In fact, I know many women dread it. But let me tell you this: It’s a military word that means to fall in line. In other words – we become a great team when we let our husband lead the family and we become their best support system to make it happen.

When we submit – we allow our husband to take care of us and we allow them to make big dreams for our family. When there is a submissive wife, a husband is more than willing to go the extra mile to serve and love his wife. Why? Because he knows you have his back and best interest in mind, and if he clearly knows that, he wants to do the same for you.

So if you ask me, I love to submit to my husband. I am blessed when I do submit. It makes my life less complicated and it takes away the stress of fighting about petty things.

If there are times that we have a discussion on a certain issue, I have to always remind myself, my husband is not my ENEMY. He always has good intentions for me.
I also thank God that my husband hears my thoughts and opinion. If his decision does not sit well with me, I ask God to interfere and give both of us wisdom.

I pray for 2 things: God change the heart of my husband if I am right or change my heart to accept that he is right and that he wants to protect me from wrong motives.
[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]John:

If there is an issue that raises the wives’ eyebrows, it would have to be on the topic of submission. It’s a command in the Bible that even Christian couples find hard to obey. Either they raise questions and exceptions such as: What if he’s not a believer? What if he’s wrong? What if he’s not responsible? Up to what extent do I submit?

Or totally regard this verse as “not applicable” or “obsolete” and that maybe it was just applicable then.

Here are some pointers that you could remember to make submission easier:

1. Submission is for order & harmony, not to rule or step over. When a wife submits to you, it means she trust her life in your leading. Submission does not mean your wife becomes your personal maid. If you are a servant leader, you must model first how to serve. Serve your wife as you would want to be served.

2. Yes wives are to submit, but there is also a command for husbands and that is to love our wives. How much? As much as Jesus loved his church! Many husbands forget to nurture their wife. Some of the wives look way older than they are because their husband won’t even give them budget for a salon break or even shopping money to look good. Some husbands are guilty of not dating their wives and therefore losing romance in the marriage. If you love your wife, give her a voice. Listen to her. She might just have insights that can help you lead your family better.

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself” Ephesians 5: 25-28.

Some of you may ask, what if your husband is dumb? Or wrong? My answer is “SO?” Still submit.
There is a third point here that we need to realize.

3. Husbands are accountable to God, meaning your husband may be right or he may be wrong, but in the end, he will be answering to God for all his mistakes and wrong decisions. That is why the weight is still with the husband.

As I end my portion, may I just give a little request to the husbands? I know the command is clear for our wives to submit to us, but please make it easy for them to. Make ourselves worth submitting to by being not only loving but also being responsible. Remember, whether or not our marriage succeeds or fail, we are accountable and responsible for this marriage. I hope that we will really do all we can to make it work.
[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/before-i-do-jpeg.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_block_grid type=”two-up”][x_block_grid_item]john-monique-ong[/x_block_grid_item][x_block_grid_item]About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.[/x_block_grid_item][/x_block_grid][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section]

WaW Column: Before I do

/in , /by

[x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Editor’s note: Most often than not, couples are blindsided by the hard work that is required of them to make their marriages work.

That’s why we are very happy to introduce to you the WaW Before I do column by Jong and Monique Ong to help prepare couples for their lives together after their weddings. Yes, happily-ever-afters are possible. Read on!
[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]John:

Hi, I am John Mateos Ong, a wedding photographer, scuba diver instructor, blogger, song writer, a pastor, a husband and father to 5 wonderful children.

Because of what i’ve been through in life, I realize that there much about what’s important in life is not actually taught in school nor anywhere else.

So I’ve been given a burden to help couples jumpstart their marriage. I noticed that almost all couples become so excited and so busy preparing for the wedding day that they miss out on investing in the marriage itself.

This has been my calling to share principles of marriage from the Designer of marriage found in the Bible.

So we came up with the “Before I do workshop”. Currently on our 20th run, going on our 9th year. This workshop allows couples to engage, discover and create a blueprint for their marriage.

I personally can attest that marriage within God’s design is an amazing journey. [/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Monique:

Hi, my name is Monique Ong. I am a wedding host, an event director, blogger, John’s ultimate cheerleader – wife and a homeschooling mom .

It is my desire to empower women to be the best wife they can be to their husband.

There is so much to learn from home management, communication, in-laws, submission and more.

Marriage is hard work. But if you work hard on your marriage, I can guarantee you can reap the best of what marriage has to offer.

We are so excited to impart to you what we know about marriage. So when Benz gave us the opportunity to have a column here in W@W, we consider this a real honor and privilege.

As an alumnae W@Wie , I can attest that this site has the richest resource when it comes to weddings. Beyond the suppliers, what I I love the most about W@W is the friendships made because of this community.

As W@W has evolved through the years, it so exciting because it now also gives soon-to-be weds a sneak preview of the bliss, blunders and blessings of marriage.

So welcome to our Before I do corner. Here we can discuss anything and everything about marriage.

So throw in some questions such as marriage preps and real life marriage issues and we will be happy to respond back.

We hope this can be a start of a great friendship![/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_image type=”none” src=”https://weddingsatwork.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/weddings61.jpg” alt=”” link=”false” href=”#” title=”” target=”” info=”none” info_place=”top” info_trigger=”hover” info_content=””][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Transitioning from ME to WE

AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. – Mark 10:8

There is something special about marriage because it puts two very different and unique people together and God makes them one unit.

The transition to becoming one though does not come natural. That is why while you are engage to be married, we encourage couples to start practicing becoming one.

There will be several adjustments that will be required from each one to achieve this. But mastering it, will give you the best of marriage.

ALIGN YOUR SCHEDULE

I never realized that this would be such an issue. But once married, you will need to learn to make sure that your schedules are in synced.

Making plans for the day or for the week requires always thinking about your spouse as part of your daily grind.

The first few conflicts we had as a married couple was getting the rhythm of our schedule. John will set meetings assuming I am aware of it. I on the other hand, would also book activities with other people on that same time and day.

The tension begins when we discover that we have overlapping appointments at opposite sides of the metro – of course it becomes a hassle.

One time, John surprised me with an out of the country trip only to realize after booking the flight that I had a hosting event in the Philippines on one of the dates that we were out.

Since we wanted to honor that booking, I ended up flying back earlier instead of spending 2 more days with John.

Today, we have aligned our schedule through a merged calendar app. I have learned to ask before making any commitment. It has allowed us to operate as one.

ALIGN YOUR PRIORITIES

Next to God, your number one priority is your spouse.

There will be major adjustments when it comes to your friends, past time activities, work and hobbies.

Sometimes we think we can still do our usual routines of playing 2-3x a week basketball or having regular happy hour cocktails or weekend gimmicks. This can be a cause of stress for your marriage especially if it will mean that your spouse is not part of those activities.

Many wives have complained and cried over how their husbands can be insensitive to how they spend their time with other things rather than spending time with them.

That is why weekly dates are necessary to help strengthen your marriage.

Also sometimes, some activities might have to be dropped because its not giving you a healthy marriage.

Being able to know your priorities and owning up to it, helps make you one flesh.

ALIGN YOUR FAMILY IDENTITY

You will now be known as Mr. AND Mrs. Married Couple.

Entering the marriage, you and your spouse must be able to answer these questions: What is our family vision statement? What is our family values? What will I contribute in the marriage to make it exciting? What is our family goals for the first year? What role will I play in this marriage? What irks my spouse and what encourages my spouse?

Being able to respond to these questions helps you build your identity as married couple. This gives your marriage direction and allows you to have your own special identity.[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_text]Images by John Mateos Ong.[/x_text][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section][x_section style=”margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding: 45px 0px 45px 0px; “][x_row inner_container=”true” marginless_columns=”false” bg_color=”” style=”margin: 0px auto 0px auto; padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_column bg_color=”” type=”1/1″ style=”padding: 0px 0px 0px 0px; “][x_block_grid type=”two-up”][x_block_grid_item]John-Ong-Monique[/x_block_grid_item][x_block_grid_item]About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.

[/x_block_grid_item][/x_block_grid][/x_column][/x_row][/x_section]