Monique and I are really quite different. I am a born leader and visionary. I want to make things happen and will do everything to reach it. I am very result oriented. I get the greatest high seeing things accomplished.
Then I met Monique. She is very creative. She loves talking and is the life of the party. She is Ms. Congeniality. But there are things that gets to me. She has the tendency to be late. She is a great starter and she inspires people but she thrives in short projects and can’t seem to be doing something on a routine.
I realize while we were dating that we are really two different people. This is my proof that I do love her because despite the flaws I have learned to love the whole package and appreciate how God made her. But as we know many couples will find themselves in a major hurdle because they can’t seem to pass the fact that their spouse can irritate them. Are these one of the things that are issues to you?
- Pressing the tooth paste just about anywhere
- Being Late
- You’re off to travel but don’t have concrete plans
- Clothes left in the floor
- Being forgetful
- Hearing harsh words when making mistakes
- Too chill and relaxed
If one of these things bother you, we have good news for you. It’s really no biggie. Every person has a kind of temperament. This is how God designed all of us. There are no right or wrong temperaments — Each one has its own strength and and it’s own weakness. Each one needs the other. We can’t have just one. Understanding your temperament can really impact your relationship with your spouse, your office mates and even your kids. I am even quite surprise that even churches use this. The author of the book Personality Plus actually turns out to be a devout Christian herself.
So there are 4 Major Temperaments (major because I’ve seen several off-shoots) and they are:
1. Choleric – are the born leaders and master builders. They are very strong willed, decisive, courageous and practical. They know what they want and know how to get it. They want things done immediately at all cost which sometimes rubs people differently. They can be very opinionated and domineering. They can be cold, insensitive, sarcastic and insensitive.
2. Phlegmatic – are the diplomats who are calm and quiet listeners. They would rather be led than to lead. Usually, they just sit waiting for anyone trying to start a conversation. Their strength is in the fact that they are resilient.
3. Sanguine – are outgoing, creative, passionate and enthusiastic people. They are your best salesman and speaker. The are charismatic and pretty much the life of the party. A sanguine though being carefree in nature can be disorganized, unproductive and undependable.
4. Melancholic – are the philosophers and the gifted artist of the group. They are idealistic, analytical, organized, perfectionist and sensitive. They are also very moody, negative, critical; and self-centered.
So here is where the conflict lies. Imagine a Melancholic Husband married to a Sanguine. The wife wants to talk but the husband has a list of things to do and he won’t be free till a few hours later. He is distracted because the wife is too noisy. When they travel, the husband wants everything planned out and refuses to leave without a booking but the wife thinks it would be just so romantic to jump on the plane and on to a mystery adventure. Both are right and yet their difference causes them major conflict.
What must you do? We can learn how to grow together as husband and wife. Just because you have a certain temperament does not mean you can’t try to adjust and learn to live harmoniously with others.
Choleric needs to Tame down and relax. Learn to be more loving, patient & compassionate. Be aware of the limitations of each temperament and admit that you are not perfect and at times at fault. Admit your mistakes unconditionally justifying your actions.
Motivate Phlegmatic to liven up and learn to do things with excitement & zest. Learn to accept responsibility and try not to put off for tomorrow what you can do today. Practice making decision and that includes learning to say no. Initiate talking even when you’re not comfortable.
Organize the Sanguines – must learn to talk only half as much and be aware when you are already getting bored. Be sensitive to other people’s interest and learn to listen. Write things down and don’t think that you always need to fill in the gaps. Put your life together and grow-up.
Melancholics must learn to cheer up – Realize no one likes gloomy people. Don’t look for trouble and and not be too sensitive. Search for the source of your insecurities and be aware of your false humilities. There are times wherein you need to relax some of your standards.
If you are aware of each other’s strength and weakness, you can change your expectations of each other and make the right allowances. Each personality has its strength and weakness and knowing your temperament will enable you to know what kind of role / task your partner or even children will be best at doing.
So do you want to take the test? Find it here together with more information about your temperament: www.anounceoffaith.com/free
- About John & Monique Ong: Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.