Sex is a gift from God for married couples. It was made for the primary purpose of procreation. Sex helps couples learn to become one flesh – therefore it is designed to build intimacy and pleasure. It also serves as protection within the marriage from outside temptations and hazards. Sex is beautiful and powerful if activated within its proper function.
Sex before marriage is the cheap imitation of the real one. First, it will make you believe that you are in search of the “sexually compatible one”. Then the world dictates that you are missing out when you don’t test it out. It also promises to make your relationship grow deeper and move to the more serious level of your relationship. These lies are selling like hot cakes because while people are not talking about it, it is a walking epidemic trend. You can tell by how many people go haywire after a failed relationship.
Unfortunately, we bought the lie and we can personally tell you that though sex before marriage may be pleasurable, it actually ends up as a curse. It seems very exciting in the beginning because it is done in secret, in the heat of spice and so called romance. It really binds two people together for “no purpose”. There is no real commitment that seals the relationship therefore it opens itself to sickness, pain, infidelity and even unwanted pregnancy. Sex before marriage destroys the purity of a person not just physically but even emotionally. Women who come out of disastrous sexual relationships – are never the same. They battle with finding their identity, insecurity, worthlessness, low self-esteem, self-condemnation and even jealousy. They are so broken that they end up having very poor choices in relationships in the desire to find love. Men on the other hand, develop an appetite to have more of it and without self-control can lead themselves to being slaves of their own flesh.
This is why sex is not to be taken lightly. Sex must be given importance because it can lose its power when you enter into marriage. Many couples who engage in pre-marital sex have confessed that when they got married, sex became dry and monotonous. They started also to look for romance and spark that they had when they were doing it “illegally”. That gives them more temptation now to look over the fence and start walking on the edge to see if there is something more to their sex life in marriage. This is the trap that many couples get into because they sold themselves short out of their own blessings.
If you have messed up and you’re about to get married, what should you do?
We encourage you to have a healthy discussion about keeping the purity of your relationship by holding sex sacred through abstaining till God grants you marriage. Being engaged to be married still does not give you the license to do it. If you really love the person, then you are willing to wait to do it at the right time. There is no wisdom when the person says “If you love me, you will prove it by giving yourself to me.” The truth is that person does not love you at all. They love only themselves. In marriage you cannot be selfish. Marriage requires you to be constantly selfless. So if that person really loves you, then they can wait because you are worth waiting for.
We encourage you to pray together to help you stay focus on the end goal. The end goal is to be able to experience the joy and fulfillment of sex within marriage. Many couples who have stumbled and want to do it right, will experience some form of “withdrawal syndrome”. Some start to get insecure and anxious that their partner might cheat on them so they start behaving in a very unusual manner. Some will argue and fight because they are trying to stay in control. This is where you will need God to step in and let Him walk with you in victory. It is very possible to be a conqueror! It will not be an easy time… But hang in there — there is great treasure awaiting at the start of your marriage.
We encourage you to focus on how to be a great spouse instead of focusing on your partner. Make sure that you are ready to take the role of husband or wife. If you don’t know how to cook, start learning. If you need to know how to handle finances start taking classes. Surround yourself with godly married people who can teach you the ropes in marriage. Learn as much as you can. Find yourselves godly accountability couples that can help you walk the right path into marriage.
While waiting, prepare to have the best sex ever. In other words, prepare yourself to be one with your spouse. Physically, start exercising and eating right. Emotionally – keep your heart, eyes, mind and mouth pure. Think of things that are positive, things that build each other up, things that are beautiful. Live it and speak it out. Spiritually – offer your marriage to be used by God. Connect yourself with the Lord so you can see His great plan for your life.
Sex is beautiful. Sex is important. It’s your gift to claim in marriage. Get the full load of its blessing by not having it any other way.
Read more of John and Monique Ong’s WaW Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.