WaW Before I Do: Build a Home

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When you were planning for your wedding you might have been advised to “invest in marriage not the wedding”. Once married or for those who already are, I’d like to give you the next part to that advice – “Build a home and not just a house”.

Unfortunately, many homes are run like a military concentration camp, with authoritative officers commanding everyone to break the spirits of those who don’t follow the rules. Rather than being a place where love grows, it becomes a place of fear and force. People don’t do because they want to but because they have to. It’s a joy killer! So how are homes made? Here are 3 things that sets a home apart to become a place that kids and spouses alike would look forward to going home to.

1. A place of Rest – A home is a place where you can rest. It’s not just a physical rest I am talking about but more so where your soul can recharge and catch up with whatever is going on with your life. The outside world is already stressful and draining as it is, last thing you want when you go home is more stress. If I may add, in order to have some real rest, it is important that one feels safe. Is your home a place of rest? Where there is peace and tranquility?

2. A place of Acceptance – Pretending is tiring and for most of us, we do that whether we are in school or in the office. People pleasing is probably widespread among all of us and when this happens, at the end of the day, it’s nice to go home to a place where you can just be who you are without any pretensions, without fear of being judged. Can you be who you really are in your home?

3. A place of Love – A Home is a place where you feel loved. Are you with people who you know care for you ? In one of the surveys we conducted among families, one said “home is not a place, but a collection of people.” Why? Because when people you love and love you leave home, the home stops being a home. As social beings, every one of us need to be a giver and receiver of love. Is your house a place of Love?

Point is, sometimes we get so uptight about our houses that it stops being feel like home. I know a couple who are so uptight about the house being in order that it’s so hard to move because something might break. I know a place where the husband is expected to help out in the house after a long day at work and I know a family where expectations are so high you can’t just be yourself anymore.

At the end of the day, everyone needs a home — a place for rest, acceptance and love. It doesn’t just happen, it is made. I can’t promise it’s going to be easy, but if you make your house a home — people would look forward to going home to it.

A little confession as I end my article, as a photographer, I used to hate being in the house. I found it boring. So every opportunity I get, I would welcome out of town shoots, specially those that required an overnight. I took pleasure in being away and now that things have changed, I realize it was because it wasn’t a home. But now that things have changed and I’m a home body, I love being just home with my family and I think twice about leaving it every time.

But there is a home that is waiting for us and someday we will all come home to it. I actually wrote a song about it and would like to share it to you:

Read more of John and Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.


  • About John & Monique Ong:

    John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding host and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.

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