WaW Before I Do: Becoming Closer

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We’ve organized the “Before & After I do” www.beforeidoworkshop.com 21x the past decade. Recently, I’ve been thinking, for couples who attend who are not fully surrendered to Jesus and for whatever reason do not read the Bible (either busy or they don’t believe in it) and perhaps some may even be there happy to pick-up a nugget of gold or two (selective in what they are to accept), what probably is the topic that they most find not clear or hard to swallow.

Aside from the wife submitting to the husband, I guess it would be this diagram.

What this says is, that if you want to be closer to each other, the only way to do this is to get close to God. Do you get the point? A non-debating Christian would probably agree, a normal Christian would probably ask some questions and a cynical person would ask the following questions:

a. Why does it have to be a triangle?
b. Why does the sides have to be equal all the time?
c. Why can’t we move closer to each other without God?

If you look at it at a normal person’s stand point, the questions do make sense and so in this article, I would like to give clarity to it and stress out why I believe this principle is correct. The main point in layman’s term is this: “You may try to get to know each other better and love each other more — but unless God is in the equation. You are bound for failure!”

So now lets ask Why?

Point #1 – You are two entire different people – Yes you may have same interest, you may even say you’re beginning to look alike but the fact remains the same – through spirits your might have been joint together as one but physically you are different! You won’t always have the same feelings, you won’t always agree on everything, different moods and you will even go through different problems… When these differences get to you – you will see that some are manageable but sometimes there are issues that rock the boat. What do you do when you get to an issue where no one else gives in or what you call a dead lock? One has to give way and surrender his/her point even when they think they’re right?

When you feel your differences and you can’t see eye to eye. The fear of God will make you not give up no matter what.

Point #2 – Life is not perfect – Lets say you’ve hurdled point #1 without God. Great! You guys always agree 99% and you’ve decided the 1% is negligible. This doesn’t mean however you can escape the stress of life. Business go bankrupt, people get sick, annoying people surround you, you get scammed, you get tempted, for sure someone dear to you will die— but what do you do when when challenges have become more than you can bear?

When they become too big – trust and faith in God will keep you sane and strong. He will be your peace through the storm.

Point #3 – Because we don’t know love – Love has many levels… You tell our wife “I love you” and later on say “I love my dog”. Do you love them equally? Of course not! Another example: Monday you tell her I love you and Friday you again tell her you love her but there is a possibility you love her more on Monday than friday depending on your mood that day. Why is this so? Because the love we know is different from biblical love… Here is how Jesus describes this love:

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25

How much did Jesus love the church? So much He died for it. He loved it more than he loved himself. Jesus also loved the church regardless if it could love Him back. When Jesus decided to die for us, we were not worthy and in fact we were sinners, but Jesus died for us because He loved us.

This my friend, is how we are to love our spouses. Jesus set an example that we are to follow. Not dependent on our mood, or what our spouse does, but our commitment to love is unconditional. Now how can someone who don’t know the Lord know this? Where else can we see this kind of love being given out?

So here in my 3 points are my reasons, as to why we say and hold firm to the principle that in Marriage, in order to be close to each other, we need to get close to God.


Read more of John and Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.

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  • About John & Monique Ong: 

    Husband and Wife John and Monique Ong are partners in every sense – from homeschooling their children, running their business Imagine Nation Photography Inc, blogging, and in helping equip soon-to-wed couples and newlyweds for their lives together.

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