Before they marry, specially in the few days prior, couples are often faced by multitudes of questions. Some of these questions are ok to be left unanswered as they are not as toxic or as harmful as some. These are questions that are just part of the wedding jitters but there are some that should never ever be brushed aside because these are supposed to trigger warning signs should you be not ready.
I know it’s been said before to almost all people getting married that “any sign of doubt, you should put off the wedding” but out of every 100 weddings, how many do you think gets set aside until smoke clears out? One or maybe not even. Usually, we pay more attention to the stronger feeling of (1) Shame – what will people say? We’ve already sent out invites, (2) Waste – we’ve already spent so much and (3) Confidence – maybe its just part of getting married and we’ll just sort it out once we are there.
Well, do me a favor and keep the questions that I mention… dwell on it and be sure of your answers.
- Am I really ready? – Did I give this decision enough thought and prayer? Being ready is not just to receive but to let go. Like what? Hobbies, friends, lifestyle & relatives! I am not saying ignore them totally but to fix your priorities and make your spouse #2 in your life.
- Do I really know my partner? – There are different levels of knowing… sometimes, people use their hearts too much and leave so much to be risked. Did you give the relationship enough time for you to know not only the good points but the bad points. Realize that just like a car, problems don’t usually manifest or show up early on. Many traits are triggered by situations and so to know each other truly you should have gone through different situations in life. These are recessed characteristics that are rarely triggered but must be known. How is your partner during these situations (there are more actually)?:
- He loses money
- There is conflict of ideas
- Made to wait
- Do I really trust my partner? – Is he what he says he is or are there kept secrets? How do you know? Have you met the future in-laws and the best friends? Have you pointed out your person of peace?
- Are we ready in all aspects? – all means ALL!
- Financially – Are there debts that need to be settled? Have we actually done financial planning on how income and expenses would look once we live together?
- Physically – Any Sickness I need to be aware of? I know some people who after a year of marriage have become widows. Aside from health, are we both physically capable of fulfilling our roles as husband & wife? These include plan Bs for kids in case we can’t bear one.
- Mentally – Do we agree that we both want to do this will all our heart, mind and soul?
- Legally – Are we of legal age and have we fixed up everything that needed to be fixed? Hopefully not pre-marital agreements but similar to those things.
- Spiritually – Did I get my parents blessing, do we share the same faith and beliefs?
- Do I know my responsibilities & am do I accept them? Some people don’t know at all but some know but don’t accept thinking they’ll find a way around it or that they must be an exception but the worse part is, some people think they know but they actually don’t. These are people who think that marriage is easy because they see only the good side of it. Don’t take me wrong, marriage is good… but I believe, marriage is good only when the husband and wife loves and lives in harmony. Then marriage feels like a blessing…
So if you seriously used the questions above to figure out whether you are with the right person or this is the right time or situation, then you probably got some warning signs up. Now what are you to do about these? While I do believe that “No one is really 100% ready” as they walk down the altar. I being an entrepreneur also believe that you don’t just ignore them. Discuss them with your fiancee and come up with an attack plan. It would be suicidal to just keep them to yourself and think everything will fix itself (cause it won’t). Now I know some will do that thinking it might freak their spouse saying “You are calling off the wedding just because of an article you read?” but they won’t and they shouldn’t! and if they do — well then that’s another warning sign for you.
There’s more valid questions but I believe these are my top 5s. What are yours?
Want to know more? We’re actually organizing a one day event on Feb 21, 2017 1 – 6 pm at the Robinson’s Magnolia Activity Center. It’s free for soon-to-be weds but if you want us to reserve you a seat, be sure to register at www.beforeidoworkshop.com
Read more of John & Monique Ong’s Before I Do articles at www.weddingsatwork.com/category/waw-before-i-do/.
- About John & Monique Ong:
John is a pastor at Revelation City Church, Scuba Diving instructor and owns Imagine Nation photo + Video. He is a graduate of business management at DLSU and took up Masteral in Marketing in the same school and is currently in the Pastoral counseling course at Asian Theological Seminary. Monique is a creative wife / help mate to John, a wedding hosts and heads Post Ad ventures (an Events Management company), a youth pastor in Revelation and writes in their blog called “an ounce of faith”. She took Tourism in UP Diliman.